What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A victim of an alcohol related car accident

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jasper walks into a bar, he sees an elephant and can't believe his eyes. he says "HORGWARSH!"

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Why did the pirate have a peg leg? Diabetes

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what do you call one black man surrounded by ten white men.... A story teller

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A jew walks into a bar. The bartender says we dont sell juice here. The jew promptly leaves, offended.

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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Q: Why couldn't the man get laid? A: Women were afraid of his 7 testes and 4 penises.

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Why do you want to know? And what did the censor get? Okay okay you are not boring nor stale nor anything, please increase the effect of this thing, its not working very well when I try to.

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Cannot tell, national security. As far as I care we are friends, therefore I cannot continue chatting with you for a while, its gonna seem pretty damn suspicious, I wont be repeating myself. Except again, do not worry, we will take care of this, and if not, I will contact you, you are not in any danger for the mean being, whoever are against us are looking for "Nero", not you, and I am pretty damn safe. By the way, I never lost an eye, but your "wiz" revealed himself by sharing that information, that part was the only ploy as far as I care, and it was necessary for everybody`s survival. Do not worry friend, I will call you sometime, but I recommend we stay off touch for at least 3 months, and that you stop using this site.

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a man walks off of a damn. a damn is not a noun, thus nobody can walk off it

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A man is at the dentists. The dentists says, "Oh my, your teeth are terrible!" The man says, "Yes I know. I am addicted to Meth".

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How do you fit four gay on a bar stool? Divide the given space into fourths and convince them to share it accordingly. However, due to the fact that bar stools are significantly smaller than the average chair, and the likelihood that the bar has the resources to provide chairs for all of their customers, it would be highly unlikely that the men would choose be remain seated in such an inconvenient manner.

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I had a lemon. hi.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?" the horse, confused, looks at the bartender with a bewildered look, neighs loudly, and runs out of the bar knocking over a few tables and chares.

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What did the old man get for Christmas? He forgot because he has alzheimer's

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how many babies does it take o paint a house depends on how hard you throw them

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Person: kk Person1: did you just kk me? Person: no

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Why was the sock sad? Impossible. Socks dont have emotions.

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Knock Knock! Who's there?! Michelle Bachman.

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What do you do at a club? You club.

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Why did my penis cross the road? To get to the other vagina.

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What's black and white and red all over? A referee eating a red Popsicle on a hot summers day.

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why were maddie and maddy and rachel and jill all friends? we all enjoy pizza

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Why couldn't the woman drive? She was dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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