What did Billy say when he met the president? Nice to meat you Mr. President? -Louis

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how do you make a plumber cry? you pull its pants up

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fallow me on twitter #ieatveloceraptorsfordinner

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Hello, I'm Mark and I have multiple-personality disorder. Don't listen to him, no he doesn't.

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a blonde girl walks into a bar...of soarp, slips, falls, and breaks her spine.

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Never mail in your wished to a genie, he may be dyslexic.

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What's worse than a baby on a mattress? A baby under a mattress.

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there's a new drink out called the Bin Laden... it consists of two shots and a splash of water

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Do you also think Daffy Duck is really attractive when he dresses up like a woman? Yeah, me neither...

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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How do you fit four gay on a bar stool? Divide the given space into fourths and convince them to share it accordingly. However, due to the fact that bar stools are significantly smaller than the average chair, and the likelihood that the bar has the resources to provide chairs for all of their customers, it would be highly unlikely that the men would choose be remain seated in such an inconvenient manner.

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Knock knock no answer, as the tenant of the house was out shopping.

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A man was walking through the woods when he comes across a little girl crying by a lake. "What is the matter little girl?" he asked. "My cat fell in the lake ... and it couldn't swim ... so my father jumped in as well and drowned too," she cried," Sad, the man sighed, pulled down his pants and said, "Well I guess today's just not your day,"

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What do you say to the woman who just got raped? Nothing you just raped her

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Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, I Have 5 Fingers The Middle One's For You!! :D

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I like to give help to people, expecting that they will be my slaves for life.

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One day a woman wrote a letter to her husband whom was at war. He received it, read it, and was happy to know she was thinking of him.

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whats the difference between me and callum ? one soul.

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I f*cked your mom last night and she liked it. 8====D~~~~

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Why was the black man fired from the bakery? He didn't work hard and was repeatedly absent

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What happens when you yank on someones nuts? They cry

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Q: What do you do when you see a half dead black guy on your front lawn? A: Call the ambulance because he is dying

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What do you call a orphan with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean? Scrood

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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