- Anti Joke

A man was driving and texting at the same time and when he was not looking a car passed him on the other side of the road. The man driving the car that passed the man was talking on the phone. When the man txting looked up and look back and said thank god thats not me talking i could of crashed if i was him

What happens to the yellow hat when it is thrown into the red sea? It get's wet.

Q: Why don't black people like My Chemical Romance? A: Actually, some of them do.

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

One day a boy asks his teacher what blue velvet is then the teacher says "we don't ask questions like that in my class go to principal's office now"so the boy goes to the principal's office and then the boy asks "what is blue velvet"then the principal says"no one says that in my school get out" so the boy goes home and asks his mom what is blue velvet then his mom says you don't say stuff like that in my house get out!so the boy see's the Mayer. So the boy asks the Mayer what blue velvet is then the Mayer says no one says that in my town get out of my town! So the boy see's a man and the boy goes to the man and the man asks what happend to you and the boy says well I got kicked out of school kicked out of my house and got thrown out of town just because i asked what blue velvet is! So the man tells the boy that there is a lady across the street. So the boy is in the road and then the boy gets ran over and dies. So the lesson here is look both ways before crossing a street

Why did silly Miss Sally put her baby in the dishwasher? Because she was suffering from advanced stages of Schizophrenia. She thought that her baby was a dish. Her mother, Carol watched in horror as her granddaughter was placed inside. A tear dribbled from her eye. Things had been bad, but because Sally was her daughter, she had been tolerant. Carol sobbed as the baby screamed in terror, unable to escape. Finally, Carol, tears in her eyes, called Child Protective Services on her own daughter, something she didn't want to do. When CPS representatives finally came, they were horrified at the sight of a screaming baby covered in suds with burnt skin that had been scorched by hot jets. Sally's baby, Alex was taken from her and put into foster care.

If you took all the veins in your body and laid them end to end, you would die.

which one is easiest

roses are black your mamas white i didnt mean to say it but it's right

Why do bees fly? Because evolution made them

Roses are red, Violets are blue. sama bin laden, is coming for you.

Q: What do they call watermelons in Indiana A:watermelons

Whats red and tastes like parsley? Not Red Parsley

Two trains, on the same track, left different stations, and travelled in opposite directions. 74 people died.

your mother is such a nice person that most people enjoy her company

what did the policeman say to an armed robber? you can go, as long as you don't hurt my doughnuts

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had legs.

poop.

why did stuart buy an ipad from the mall. because he wanted an ipad

What's the difference between a black girl and a white girl? Nipple color

An Irishman walked into a pub.... He never left.

You know who can't stand to put up with my shit? Polio victims.

What bouriquet got to do open HIS FACEBOOK!

Knock Knock -Who's there? No one -Ok

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops