Say you are caught in a net with 10 other people in said net at a construction site. A pair of scissors are right next to you and everyone said to use the scissors. But instead of using the scissors, you use your teeth in risk of a broken tooth.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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A blind man walked into a bar and got a beer and got drunk and went on a rampage and killed YOUR MOM

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A forty-year-old man forces a young child to strip down and take a shower. The child screams and cries, but the man persists angily. He then carries the child into his bed. The child pleads, "Help! Mom, make him stop!" The mother yells back, "Just listen to him. He's your father and it's past your bedtime." This is a common night-time routine for parents with their first child

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? A vet, so he/she can put it down.

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A prostitution ring operates out of a subway. How much does the prostitute with a foot long penis cost? About $300, for a 12 inch penis is very rare and desirable.

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So a dolphin is dropped off at a park and dies because he was out of the water to long.

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What did the cow say to the other cow? Moo

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why did the baby fall out of the tree? the monkey dropped it. why did the monkey drop the baby? it was dead.

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why did the chicken cross the road? he saw a rather desperate looking homeless person coming towards him, and, realizing he had no change, figured it was the best way to avoid an awkward situation.

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How can you tell if someone is a virgin? Everyone is a virgin in something. For example, if you never had sex with a dinosaur, then you are a virgin at dinosaur sex.

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There was once a guy who was so crazy...he was sectioned.

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Why did the german killed the jew? Because he was nazi.

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A man walks into a bar. -Can I ask where am I? - he sais -Yes, you can. - sais the barman Awkward silence occurs. -Why aren't you asking? I said you can.

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What did the homless man get for Christmas? Nothing

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What do you call a blonde with a Doctorate in Physics? Doctor (Dr).

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What did the white man say to the black man that sneezed? -Bless you.

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What happened when my familys break on the car didn't work? They rolled down a hill and fell off a cliff and died. I loved them.

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a cop wrote most of these anti-jokes O.o

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Why couldn't people tell the difference between the two twins? Because they were indentical.

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why did the white man read the New York Times? because HuffPo is horrible. I mean, it's so so so shitty. it's like a wannabe buzzfeed, which ought to say it all.

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How do you know a black person is in your house? You see him in your house.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She was deaf and blind.

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25.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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