How do you stop a bus ? Put 3 small children in front of it Whats sad about 3 children who died in a bus crash ? They were my kids. How do you know if you're blind ? You run in to a wall

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How do you make a baby be quiet when it is crying? slowly choke it to death

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why were there bones on the moon? The cow diden't make it.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

If you're having girl problems, I feel bad for you, son... Because I can empathise with you, and it's not a very nice situation to be in. Hope you work it out.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Hhahahahahhahhahahahahhaahhayournanisdeadhahhahahahahahahah

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, There are so many different endings to this, it makes me just wanna Shoot Myself!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you get when you cross a leopard and Chuck Norris? I don't know. Probably something like a furry yellow Chuck Norris with black spots and sharp teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

No, its just his eye, its infected, he gets fever and well, that is all I should say. Nero is my friend and I do not like it when people lie to him, he is outside having a cigarette, I do not think he wants to speak with you anymore. Bye.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

willie revilame

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the football coach go to the bank Answer - to get his quarter back

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why was it okay for the people in the hospital to laugh at the patient with narcolepsy? It wasn't. The patients were treated due to moral obligations. But the doctors that laughed had either been fired or warned, depending on if there were previous reports of exploitation of patients.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Women's Rights

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A black person tans and starts to peel, what do you get? A white person.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

roses are red violets are violet hey look up there! Its a suicide pilot!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

roses are red violets are dead honey is yellow and so is head

thumb_up thumb_down -5

today at school... I learned about all the core subject plus the additional electives.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what did the bannana say to the milk carton. nothing bannanas cant talk and their on the other side of the store

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A man saw a dinosaur yesterday. He had a very nice time at the museum.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did no one throw a fridge at the boy on the swing? Because fridges are heavy.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's the difference between your wife and the kitchen? One is a living organism

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops