Your mom's your dad's wife. Except when she's not.

If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? Because that would be assault, and not only assault but aggravated assault, since you are using a weapon to do it. Plus, the lawyer would have an advantage over you in court during the trial, due to having a law degree.

What's hard, long and full of seamen? an erect penis.

A young girl walks into a dark alley. She emerges a few minutes later unharmed and goes about her day.

Why was the woman in the kitchen? She came in to give her husband, who was washing the dishes, a kiss before she went to bed early so she could be well rested and get up on time to make the 45 minute commute to the hospital where she worked as a neurosurgeon the next morning.

How do Mexicans like their eggs? It's a matter of personal opinion, of course.

why are black people good at basketball cuz their tall

Why was Timmy late for class? He got hit by a bus. Why was Jimmy late for class? He saw Timmy lying in the middle of the street, went out to help and got hit by another bus.

Joe: it says gullible on the ceiling Jack: yes, I wrote it -by Ross

Why was the iPhone screen cracked? Because it was dropped on a rock.

What do you call a cross between a dog and a bumblebee? One messed up lab experiment!

What did the FBI agent say to the CIA agent. We're both agents

You know the drill, the world is not as black and white as it was before, just because we are not on the same side, does not make us enemies either. As for whatever is going on, I can assure you I had nothing to do with the fall of the first underground, and neither will I make sure whatever you scraped together, large or small falls either, I realize I should have thought this trough some more, but we had little time to act on this one.

What do you call a rollercoaster without a coaster? A roller

Whats Jewish and Funny? A Jewish Comedian.

Two men walked into a bar. I'm surprised the second man did not duck out of the way.

why did the mexican cross the road? To get into America. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was on its way to warn everyone that the sky was falling Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass. Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? cause he's Chuck Norris. Why did the man get a check in the mail every month? Cause he's black Why did Obama Cross the road? Cause he lost control of congress why is there all this blank space?

Why did the Grandad teabag his Grandson? Because he likes dipping his balls into the mouths of his Grandchildren; as if they were a teabag and his mouth was a mug.

When a Jew with a boner walks into a wall what hits first? It really depends weather his arm or leg is sticking out when he hits the wall. When studying trejectory sciences, you will find out that it will be nearly a 95% chance that his foot will in fact hit the wall first.

Person #1: Hello captain obvious. Person #2: Hello.

what happened to the man who walked into a bar he slipped from the bar of soap and died

Why did the black man run from the officer? The officer was trying to perform non-voluntary sexual acts against him.

What's black and has a beary taste? A black bear.

How do you kill a blond? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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