Two homosexuals walk into a bedroom, and begin to have sex.

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How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

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Knock, knock! Who's there? orange? orange who? orange ya glad i didn't say your family was dead.

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what's the difference between a pogo stick and a traffic cone? well for starters, traffic a cones main function is to cordon off areas or alert drivers to certain areas of road that are not to be breached and pogo sticks are used as toys to heighten bouncing. I'll stop here but the list goes on.

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Are you Jamaican? Because your dreadlocked hair is an iconic symbol of one who would be from the country of Jamaica.

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I used to have a shirt just like yours, except it was green. And it was a bicycle.

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So 2 apples are having sex, and one apple sais to the other, I got worms.

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What did Helen Keller say when she got raped? Stop raping me.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

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Two friends go on a hunting trip together. One friend says to the other "Knock, knock." The other friend doesn't respond because he was mauled by a bear.

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Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. "Where's my tractor?"

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Why is Lewis hayphore gay Answer = because he sucked hos brother off #Cameron Hayphore

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How do you wake up your grandmother........ You don't, she had a massive heart attack and died in her sleep

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What's bigger than a breadbox? Whitney Houston's coffin.

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what's worse than stubbing your toe on cement being a Jew during the holcaust

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Q:What did Sandy say to Spongebob? A:Nothing, They were both crushed by the water pressure of being on the bottom of the ocean.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The farmer left the gate open, letting all his livestock escape, and crushing his prospects of trying to keep his family fed.

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knock knock who's there? nobody. then why are you knocking?

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How do you get an annoying baby to shut up? Hit it with a bat

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What do you call man who travels on foot? a pedestrian

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What do you call a black pilot? A pilot you racist!

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I HATE GEORGE LOPEZ

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Two gay guys walk into a bar. You think the second one would notice...

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Tip for Employers: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the resumes into the bin.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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