When life hands you lemons... do not squeeze them, for juice may squirt into your eye, causing severe pain.

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What do you call a black pilot? A pilot.

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Your mama is so stupid that she thought Brendan Fraser was a good actor.

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Why didn't the baby come to daycare? Because his mother got killed by spongebob

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poop

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What's funnier than poop? More poop

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Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?? Cause he got hit by a bus.

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What's black and hanging on a tree in my backyard? Blackberries.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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A chemist and his buddy walk into a bar. The chemist, trying to sound smart, says, "I would like a glass of H20." The buddy, being a normal person who actually cares if he looks like an idiot, asks for plain water.

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Three Blondes were walking when they come upon some tracks. The first blonde says they're deer tracks. The second blonde says they're elk tracks. The last blonde says they're moose tracks. While they are all arguing about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

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Why was the mom crying? Her son was found in the oven.

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What's Brown and dirty? Dirt

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Two men walk into a bar. The bar was being robbed. They were both shot in the confusion.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Not Suzie

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Why didn't the boy cross the street? He didn't have legs

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'Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.' Thats fantastic for Peter Piper

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A man tells the bartender," A bar walks into a man..." The bartender says," What the hell? I think you've had enough"

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When life gives you lemons, you are most likely in the fruit section of the grocery store.

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Why the mentally challenged man enter the bar? He's tired of being subject hate and criticism. He hates being the subject of jokes and being pointed at. He may not be able to tell you what 3x6 is, but he still has feelings. So because of all these inconsiderate people judging him, he now spends his days at the local bar, drowning his sorrows away in alcohol. I hope your happy.

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When you see birds flying in a V why is one side of the V always longer than the other? There are more birds on that side

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knock knock who's there? Madeline McCann really? no

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You mom is so fat she appeals to my secret fetish.

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How do you get a fat man to drop a brownie? Make fun of him until he kills himself, and then drops the brownie.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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