what does the sloth say to dylan sedgwick nothing dylan is the sloth

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Roses are red Violets are blue In Soviet Russia Poem make YOU!

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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Q. What's brown and circular? A. MEATBALLS!

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How many babys does it take to paint a wall red? 7 and 24 paint brushes cause babys need do overs

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What do Tutankhamun and Elvis Presley have in common? They're dead

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How do you get a Mother out of a tree? Ask them to come down, because it is really not socially acceptable for a responsible adult to be climbing trees.

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What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start

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person 1:Dude, look at the news person 2:Yea man, its D ick Cheney person 1: what a d ick head

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Why did Jimmy fall over? Jimmy was hit by a bus.

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*insert lame joke stolen from the top 10 jokes and think it's original because I changed one word*

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Why couldn't the man read? Because he was illiterate

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Q: knock knock who is there A;dunno go check

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Two gay men walk into a bar. Holding hands.

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What did one chick in a clothes shop say to another? That's cheap

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Madeline McCan

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whats brown and sticky? a four week dead uunborn african child...

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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roses are red violets are blue heres the oven now where the **** is the jew

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sarah!

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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Yarn

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What is worse than 10 dead babies in a tree? 1 dead babies in 10 trees.

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Why did the little boy drop his ice-cream? He was run over by a bus and died instantly.

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My dog has no nose! Then how does he smell? Terrible!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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