- Anti Joke

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

Why did the police officer arrest the black guy? Because the guy was black and the police officer was racist.

What did the man with the gun say to the man without the gun? I have a gun

Q: Why don't people like me? A: Because I smell bad and I give off a creepy vibe

Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't

Where do 5 gay guys go????? One Direction.

Knock Knock Who's there? Reality, we have come to install a doorbell.

What the difference between a duck? One of the legs is both the same.

why did joe drown ? he had no arms

What did the Zen Buddhist say in the hamburger store? He said, "Make me one with everything."

Why did the retirement home go out of business. There was a fire and all of the residents charred to death accept for a couple who escaped but were too traumatized to return to the old folks home.

what did bob say tothe ugly duckling? your ugly and a duckling

How do you get a baby to start crying? Drop a brick on it. How do you get it to stop crying? Drop two bricks on it.

What do you call a black man and a black woman having sex? A husband and wife who love each other very much and are trying to have a baby.

Whats white and blue and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? a fridge in a denim jacket :D

There was a man that invited his uncle, his uncle his uncle his uncle, his uncle and his uncle spidey to a party. He was really dissapointed when he realized that not only was his invitation full of typos, but that he invited Peter Parker twice and forgot to invite spiderman.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? A deer. The fact that it has no eyes doesn't change the species.

a red boat and a blue boat collided all the survivors still have nightmares to this day

Why did the young boy lose a testicle? Because he was viciously raped by a large parrot

What do you call a large group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

A white guy, a black guy, an Asian guy, and a Hispanic guy walks into a bar. The white guy orders a beer, the black guy orders a shot of vodka, the Asian guy orders a sake, and the Hispanic guy orders a shot of tequila. They were drinking and having a great time.

what is a bracket? a bracket

What did Ben's Graandma get him for Christmas? Nothing, she died on Thanksgiving!

A long time ago there was a kid named John. It was John's first day of first grade. His teacher, Mrs. Jones, gave his class one homework assignment: Write down a word you've never heard before and tell me tomorrow. On the way home from school, John sees some kids playing basketball. The tallest kid shoots and misses and says "Purplefarkle!" When he gets home, John writes it down. The next day at school, Mrs. Jones asks the class to write their words down on the board. She asks John what word he found and he says "Purplefarkle." She slaps him across the face and sends him to Principal Zuckerman's office. When he gets to Principal Zuckerman's office, she asks him, "Why are you here?" John says, "Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write down a word we've never heard before, but when I told her, she slapped me across the face and sent me here!" She says, "Oh my! What word was it?" John says, "Purplefarkle." She looks angry, and slaps him across the face and expels him from school. When John gets home, his mom is surprised to see him back already. She says, "John, what are you doing at home? School isn't over for two more hours!" John says, "Well, Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and I don't know what this word means, I swear!" John's mom said, "I'll call the school, but first, tell me what word it was." John says, "Purplefarkle," and his mom slaps him across the face and says, "Go to your room! Just wait until your father gets home!" John goes to his room and waits for his dad to get home. When he does, he goes up to John's room and says, "John, your mother is hysterical, and she won't tell me what you've done. Could you explain what you've done?" John says, "Well, Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and I still don't know what this word means, I swear!" His dad looks very serious, and asks him, "What was the word, John?" John says, "Purplefarkle." He slaps John and kicks him out of the house. John wanders around in the streets for a few hours, until it gets dark. Soon, a policeman stops him and says, "Son, what are you doing out here all alone, it's the middle of the night, shouldn't you be at home?" John says, "Well, my teacher Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and when my dad got home, he slapped me across the face and kicked me out of my family, and I still don't know what this word means, I swear!" The policeman says to John, "Woah son, this is serious. I'll go talk to your parents about this, but first you have to tell me what the word was. "Purplefarkle." The policeman looks alarmed, grabs John, slaps him across the face, throws him onto the hood of the squad car, handcuffs him, and throws him into the back seat. The next day, John is in court. The judge is surprised to see a six year-old boy standing in front of him. He asks, "Little boy, is this a joke? What are you doing here?" John looks at him and says, "Well, my teacher Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and when my dad got home, he slapped me across the face and kicked me out of my family, and when I told the policeman, he slapped me across the face and arrested me, and I still don't know what this word means, I swear!" Again, the judge was surprised at how much had happened to the boy in just a couple of days. He asked, "Could you tell me what the word was?" John said, "Purplefarkle." The judge leaped over his desk, and slapped John across the face, and sentenced him to 30 years in prison. ... 30 years later, John is finally let out of prison. He is sitting on a park bench, feeding the birds and squirrels, and feeling sad because he has no money, no home, no family, no car, and less than a first grade education. An old woman walks by and says to John, "You look so sad, is something wrong?" John takes a deep breath and says, "Well, my teacher Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and when my dad got home, he slapped me across the face and kicked me out of my family, and when I told the policeman, he slapped me across the face and arrested me, and when I told the judge in court, he slapped me across the face and sentenced me to 30 years in prison, and now I have no money, no home, no family, no car, and less than a first grade education." The old woman says, "How dreadful! Would you tell me the word?" And John says, "Purplefarkle," and immediately cringes. "What," the woman says, "Did you think I was going to slap you? That word was very controversial 30 years ago. I could tell you anything you want about it, but I'm late for my hair appointment. Tell you what, meet me over there at the café across the street in one hour and I'll tell you anything you want to know." For the first time in 30 years, John is happy. He knows he's about to find out what the word that ruined his life means. All he can do is smile while he waits. After one hour, he starts to walk over to the café. While he's crossing the street he is hit by a bus and dies on impact. The moral of the story is: Always look both ways before crossing the street.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops