whats brown, lying in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs? a girl scout that got hit by a truck

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I hate girls that try to act hard. Like calm down you dont got a dick.

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Why did the person post a real joke with bad grammar and spelling on anti-joke.com? They didn't flippin' understand the point of the website.

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "With proper medical attention and rest, yes, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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Q: What did your mom say to your dad? A: Honey i want a divorce.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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What do you get when you mix a dog and a cow blood everywhere

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Whats white and all over my room? paint

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how do you know if a black man's been on your computer it's gone

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A married man takes the ring off his finger.

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What's wonderful about babies? They will die sooner or later....All Of Them

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An impolite guy walks into a bar... and doesn't apologize to the bar.

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Why did the car get out of bed? Because the person who owned the car was a total freak and put the car into a bed.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She didn't pass her driving test.

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A Mexican, a Jew and an African walk into a bar. Now, it seem it was the Jew's turn to pay for drinks. So, all three ordered drinks, and the Jew paid for them.

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Nah, its fine, I just went to get a popsicle, and its square, so don't get any ideas. Honestly? When I first met "some jerk" calling himself Nero here, I began calling myself Nero, because I thought that the jerk that turned out to be you, Nero himself, sigh. was screwing over his own reputation. But now I realize that what makes you who you are, is that you say whats on your mind without going "oh no what will others think about me, what if this or that happens", you accept yourself for who you are, and if the rest do not, well screw them right? As you told me at first and proved to me during our conversations, you respect and value individuality and integrity. And well, you are a guy, you think like a guy (I honestly dont think we girls think that differently, we are simply socially indoctrinated or "engineered" in order to think that we do), I mean let me say something really honest here. Nero, I only dare say this once, so take me seriously I really want you to fuck me, and yeah, I may say that when we meet too, considering I have not even said it yet, just in my head... Anyway, its not something I am insecure about nor ever was and blahblahblah, the end, oh, and yeah, I really want and need a friend like you.

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An alcoholic walks into a bar. He is destroying his family.

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when I shaved this morning....... hairs went down the sink

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The Paralympics! Even if you win, you're still retarded!

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What has wings but is often on the ground? An aircraft that has frequent take-off problems.

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When the black man was driving his car, why did he stop in front of the gun store? Because his car's velocity reached zero at that location.

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What is black and gray? This rectangle and this text.

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pigs are sometimes pink GOSH

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what did the gay guy get for his birthday aids

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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