friend' Knock Knock! you; no one home go away

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How do you call a cat for it's dinner? Come here cat!

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In the time it has taken you to read this, a small African child has died.

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What's red and blue and goes 105 MPH? A red and blue car.

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What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A Carrot.

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How do you get Doctor Phil in a bikini? Give him a little alcohol to ease inhibitions and offer him a suitable bribe.

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Jim just got laid off at the office. He believes his life is going to hell, so he commits suicide. His wife then later was blamed for his death because they were having many arguments. She was sentenced to life and slowly rotted in prison for the rest of her life. Their children then are moved around from foster home to foster home and they grow up to be drug dealers.

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how do you get a clown off a swing i dont know but dont call suzy

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knock knock who's there? it's I, your son. ....... what? dad let me in, it's cold! i don't have a son.... but.... i love you... get off my porch, my son is dead to me. (whimper, fading footsteps)

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Dave and Tim walk into a bar. The bartender says to Dave: "What'll it be?" Dave is black.

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9/11.

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A rooster is sitting on the top of a house. It lays an egg. Which way does it roll? This can be solved by using the dimensions and angles of the roof to find the most probable direction it would roll (Incorporating in the power of gravity of course). Of course if the egg from the roosters uteris came out in an akward or unlikely way, it could roll the other way.This can be factored in very quickly because with the video evidence of the rooster having the egg you can see how it was delivered(the video is not of which way it rolls, just of the delivery).

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Whats the worst way to find out your married. Hungover

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When life gives you lemons.... Don't eat them, because you're probable hallucinating, and you don't know where they came from.

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Why did the priest fall onto the alter boy? Because he lost his balance

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Roses are red Violets are blue Plants are green because of the high levels of mitochondria in their cells.

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What do you call five gay men walking in the same direction? I don't know the usual human does not take note of such circumstance.

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Humpty dumpty sat on a wall Humpty dumpty ha a great fall Hunpty dumpty's skull was split in two

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How much does a Polar Bear weigh? Approximately 500 lbs

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What's worse than losing your job? Getting repeatedly hit in the face with a brick after getting fired from your job.

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Why did Michael dye. Because he was dyslexic and a plain fell on his noggin.

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What's do you call a prostitute in a hospital? A concerned parent.

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What's difficult and tedious to do? Trying to find a joke with 0 thumbs up/down -Sykes

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-What's long, hard and full of semen? -Since this is a play on words both an erect penis and a naval submarine could apply here

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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