my name is Jacob sartorious

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A baby gets hit by a bus.

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What did John say to Trojan? Hi Trojan

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Q. What did the dog say to the cat? A. Ruff.

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead. Q: Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the monkey.

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What's brown and sticky? Turtle excrement.

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whats worse than 2 people dying? 3 people dying.

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Why can't Jimmy walk ever again? Because when he was 12 his father mistook him for a plank of wood a sawed his legs off. We may realise here that this prohibits him from walking.

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Why are you angry dude? I can't see my forehead

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JUSTIN BIEBER PERFUME!

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what did the left nut say to the right nut? The guy above us is a real dick huh?

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What rhymes with shuck and starts with an f flamethrower

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A brown haired woman walks into a clinic and says, "Doctor it hurts whenever I touch myself." The doctor says, "Strange, I have never heard of such a disease. Please show me." The woman touches her leg and screams,"Ow!" Then she touches her arm and screams again. The doctor asks, "Are you a natural brunette?" The woman replies, "No, I am a blonde." The doctor says, "Oh, that explains it. You have a broken finger. God, you are so blonde." The woman gets her finger treated and then lives in agony for the rest of her life due to her untreated broken leg and arm.

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DESERT

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What is the best way to put out a fire? Stop, drop and have an 0rgy.

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F: what is BLUE and has 400 whells ? Q: NOTHING !!!

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The grass is always greener on the side that uses manure and fertilizer daily.

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There are two muffins in an oven. The first muffin says, "Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?". The second one says, "Hey, look! A talkin' muffin!".

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What happens when you cross a kangaroo and an elephant? Absolutely nothing. The two belong to entirely different animal families and their reproductive abilities are totally incompatible. A kangaroo could never fertilize an elephant, or vice versa. To suggest anything else is unrealistic and a physical impossibility.

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why did timmy die he was shot in the head by terrorists

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A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an abosolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

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Why is a bulldog so aggressive Because it was raised for dog fights in basements Dog fights aren't right kids, and you should never get involved but if you find yourself in the cage fighting one of the dogs, you should really think about how you got there.

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a boy walks over to the living room and shouts " happy birthday, daddy!!" the response is "i'm a cup, therefore i do not have a birthday because i am an inanimate object."

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A man knocks on a wooden door. A woman says who is it?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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