An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have trouble understanding each other.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's big and red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what's difference between a pile of dead babies and a car? I don't have a car in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock knock. who's there? Alex. GO AWAY!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are red. My name is dave. This poem makes no sense. Microwave.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why can't Albert Einstein hold down a job? Because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A Polish man is walking down the street carrying a brown paper bag. He runs into one of his buddies, who asks, "Hey! What's in the bag?" The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag. His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one." The man replies, "I'm sorry, my friend, but gambling is against my morals, especially when my family's only nutrition for the week is on the line."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

knock knock , who there ray, ray who , ray winstone , I am your daddy you'll get your perks.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's a pirate's favorite school subject? Pirate math.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

knock knock how there me ok come in

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Whats Black and White and Red all over? A white boy who just got jumped, with sever bruises left lying in a pool of his own blood.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "God" "Then come right in!"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the chicken cross the road? A: This is a highly unlikely circumstance due to the fact that there are no wild chickens and most chicken coops are nowhere near a road

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are 3:18 Violets are 3:18 I Just figured out a pattern. And saved peoples lives with the help of Keifer Sutherland.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Its December 21, 2012. You are still alive.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

what did the fat guy say to the girl ill make fun of you because i have bigger tits than you

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How can you spot a blind person at a nudist colony? They might be carrying a white stick, or have a guide dog or someone to help them navigate the premises.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Yo mamas so fat.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the homeless man do with his trolley full of aluminium cans, He took them to the scrapyard and sold them as this is his only source of income right now

thumb_up thumb_down +9

-_- i like trains ... -_-

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, He said 'No'. She asked him if he would want to be with her forever. He said 'no'. She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, Once again, he replied 'no'. She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said.. 'Asking emotionally charged hypothetical questions that are completely irrelevant to the prior conversation is known as fishing for compliments. Except, your tears seem to reflect a more serious inner emotional neediness. I suggest you seek a psychologist.'

thumb_up thumb_down +9

we sat at the table and began to say graceme my sister, me and my mom we bowed our heads and closed our eyes and said grace we lifted our heads and opend our eyes and the food was gone my mom was gone and the chocolate in my pocket was gone (i wonder who did it lol)

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the foot say to the other foot? Nothing, because they are feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops