what would you do if Michael Jackson was drowning? he can't drown he's already dead

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Why do vampires suck the blood of their victims? Because blood is very nutritious and provides more iron for heamoglobin.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Why did the one-legged chicken say déjà vu? It felt a strong sensation that the current event had been experienced in the past.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Whats the difference between a ham sandwich and a dead baby sandwich? I don't stomp on my ham sadnwiches with cleats before I eat them.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Did you hear about the speed reader on top of the Twin towers? 90 stories 5 seconds.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

It was a stormy night and a stinking boy was running away from the co-op, he was clutching onto his pocket and constantly looked over his shoulder.... panting the boy reaches for a rusty door handle he opens the door quickly and shuts it behind him. "mam i got tea" said the boy "thanks david we will eat tonight for once" said a big chinned pharaoh.

thumb_up thumb_down -119

What is funnier than this joke? Jokes with higher ratings.

thumb_up thumb_down -139

Those days where everything goes wrong, and you think to yourself "I just gotta do whats right here"... ...Sigh... 2. DO YOU KNOW WHY I HATE YOU SO MUCH? BECAUSE I HATE YOU! (Blame is on me, love and hate are not opposites, send me a copy of your book, and ill rip it out for you)

thumb_up thumb_down -181

An englishman, irish-man and a scotsman walk into a bar. Englishman orderds a pint of becks, Irishman a guiness and the Scot a whiskey. Everything is absolutely fine and nothing of even remote interest happens.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics? Not being disabled.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What's better than ice cream? Anal sex

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What's the square root of four? Two.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you know that god was a male? You don't, that's why it's called faith.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

banana

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did Darth Vader say when he spilled his drink? Darth Vader is a fictional character and is not a part of humanity.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Your mom's so fat that her doctor recommended that she exercise regularly and foods with nutritional value!!!! Oh burn!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the business man move to New York? Because he saw a potential business opportunity that could benefit him and his loving family.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Why didn't Joe have any friends? Because according to Thomas Hobbes man is anti-social by nature and therefore the only friends that he has are purely to reach his own ends and thus Joe cannot truly have friends in the sense that many use the word.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

HEY EVERYONE THUMBS UP!

thumb_up thumb_down -56

What do the Chinese call ping pong? Ping pong.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Justin Bieber walks into a Gay-Bar. He is then kindly escorted out because he is underage. Also, because the patrons gave him certain looks that brought concern to the heterosexual bartender.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

The man who killed hitler must have ben a swell dude a.w. j.p.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why were the floors of the movie theaters so sticky? Spilled beverages.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: What's funny about prostitution? A: Nothing. It's a widely misunderstood profession.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops