Why didn't the gangster cross the road? Because he J-walked and was hit by a car.

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Roses are red Violets are blue One fish two fish Red fish blue fish

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What did suzie do when she dropped her cookie? She died because it was secretly a bomb

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Has anyone seen that clown that hides from gay people in Tesco's

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Why did the tight shirted Asian man spend all his time on his knees? Because when he was 12 he was forced to work in a textile factory where he lost his lower legs.

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You know what they called Obama in highschool? Nigge*

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What do democrats and fire have in common? They both do damage

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what's bad about pushing your friend off a cliff? you can't do it twice

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what do you get when you cross an African with a Rhinoceros? A rhinoceros.

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Knock Knock trick or treats? here is the candies, have fun kids!

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whats a cross between michael jackson and arnold shwarzanegga? Michaelwasanigga

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Republicans

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So a mama tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato were all walking down the street. The baby tomato was falling behind its parents. So the daddy tomato goes back, squishes the baby tomato and yells ketchup!

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I love results day! for every A* I get 30 pounds! everything else I cut myself.

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A zebra dies and goes to animal heaven. All the animals around him are trotting, flying, jumping, each according to its own species, in the kind of bliss that only eternity can bring. But the zebra is not impressed and mopes through heaven's green fields. A giraffe notices his languid stupor and asks, "Why so glum, pal?" The zebra mournfully replies, "All my life I've wondered if I was black with white stripes or white with black stripes." The giraffe, hoping to get the zebra to some answers as quickly as possible, suggests, "Why not go as God?" The zebra, somewhat taken aback by the notion that God might give him an audience, replies, "Oh, I can do that?" The giraffe says, "Sure, I'll show you the way!" The giraffe leads the zebra to a great tabernacle of gold and points the way up a long stairway of diamond. The zebra follows the stairs up to two great ivory doors. But no matter what he tried, the zebra couldn't get the door open. The only animals that could open the door for him would be the primates because of their opposable digits, but the zebra wasn't much of a social animal, so he didn't have any friends. He spent eternity with no answer to his question.

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ahhh finally removed the splinter I've had for quite some time now. Hopefully that was the last one I'll get for a while...touch wood

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I like dogs. Lots of dogs. Meow.

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Q : whats the most annoying thing on the earth with a big fore head ? A : Paige

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz 7 8 9

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have narcolepsy.

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What happens when a black man falls out of a tree? He gets hurt.

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What did one Chinese man say to the other? ?????

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why does Chuck Norris never get wet in the rain? Because he has a very serviceable umbrella

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops