your mom is so old, she is often confused for your grandmother.

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What does a baby sound like being cooked in the microwave. I don't know I was to busy masterbating.

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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Q. how do you get 50 babies into a bowl? A. blender Q. how do you get them out of the bowl? A. Doritos

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A wife asks her husband if he can fix the sink and he responds with Do I have plumber written on my forehead. Then she asks him if he can fix the porch and he responds with Do I have contractor written on my forehead. So the husband goes on vacation and comes back to find the sink and porch fixed and he asks his wife how it is fixed and she says that the new neighbor helped. So she says the neighbor said he would only do it for cake or sex. The husband respond by saying Which one did you choose. His wife responds by saying Do I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead.

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A daring man proclaimed "Well, here goes nothing!" as his FaceBook status, and all his friends were annoyed.

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where wally? wallys a myth.

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Why did the skeleton cross the road? To get to the body shop.

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What did the boy do when he struck out in his little league game? He was very upset and contemplated not playing the game anymore.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Does this cloth smell like chloroform to you!

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what is the difference between a park bench and a black guy? the park bench is an inanamite object and doesn't have feelings

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What's worse than a bee sting? Getting shot in the head

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Call me a banana. You're a banana. No I'm not

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Why did the plane crash? The pilots had brain damage.

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What did the table say to the human? Nothing, tables don't talk.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Mark Mark who? Mark Jennings. Oh hey, Mark, come in.

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why did the chicken cross the road? the holocaust

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What do you do when a man in a corner offers you candy? You walk away.

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what's the difference between a jew and a pizza? Nazis did't burn the pizza

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http://richardfigures.com/

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Two blondes were driving down the road. The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''

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What's silent but deadly? Limnic Eruption.

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Know who had straight parents? Adolf Hitler.

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What did the monkey say to dog Foreskin

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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