A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks what will it be? Sarah Jessica Parker replies, i'll have 4 cosmopolitans for me and my friends.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Why does a squid have 8 legs? It doesn't, it has 8 tentacles!

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How do you fit 100 babies in a bucket? put them in a blender. How do you get them out? potato chips.

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what did the duck say to the hawk? quack

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Q) You know how I know your gay A) Cuz your gay

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whats white and cant climb a fence? a fridge

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Why did Charlie Sheen laugh at the TV? Because there happened to be a comedy on.

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The King stands next to a pole. The King goes away, the pole stays there.

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got a new boxing bag the other day its hanging from the top of my stairs its called dead seb

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I've got a joke for you. The people writing these jokes. Thats a joke.

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Whats green has four legs and would kill you if it fell from a tree. Pool Table.....

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What's gold and looks like a brick? A gold brick. What's gold and looks like a nugget? A gold nugget. Whats gold and like a car? Gold. I lied about the car.

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Why did the girl suck the other guy off? to get paid

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What's worse than getting a jigsaw puzzle for your birthday? Slavery

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? George. George Who? George Smith.

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why did the black guy win a gold medal in the olympics? hard work, dedication and determanation! what no one else can be bothered to do anymore because of all this new technology and stuff!! get of your arse and do something active. NOW!

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Roses are grey, Violets are grey, I'm color blind.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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69

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Why did the business man move to New York? Because he saw a potential business opportunity that could benefit him and his loving family.

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Why did the boy eat his bagel? He was hungry.

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666

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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