Why was Michael Jackson seen shopping at Kmart? Because he heard little boys pants were 50% off the original price.

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Why was the man sitting down? He was recently paralyzed in a car accident.

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Antijoke the book. Seriously it sucks ass, do not bother, they only included the very worst ones.

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Why did the black man have to stand in the bus? All of the other seats were taken.

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amy mcguire is soo amazing! i love her

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Whats worse than swinging a dead baby by a rope? Stopping it with a shovel.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? No-one because that's not feasible.

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What's retarded and comes from Hulsberg? Roy Knubben

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A man walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out because it is a bar for cats only.

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An enormous black man wearing a durag walks into a bar. Due to the diverse and friendly comminuty he lives in, nobody judges him on his race, ethnicity, or culture. He goes on to pursue his career in business and gets a Masters Degree in Business Administration. He get's a job as an IT Director for a very successful business and he marries a well educated woman. They have 2 kids, but one of them is diagnosed with "Ondine's Curse" and dies in it's sleep. Distressed, and mourning the death of his newborn son, he seeks help from his parents. Regardless of his parents comforting and loving attitude towards him, he goes into the inner city smoking and selling illegal drugs like crack. He even got into cocaine and marjuana. 4 and a half years later, he was about to attempt suicide, when he saw his only living son, whom he loved with all his heart, walk into the room with his teddybear. He just looked at him, and he looked back. Suddenly, the father started crying. Flashbacks started playing though his mind of his happy life he was steadily pursuing. "why me?" He constantly thought to himself. What did he do to deserve this? 7 years in the future. The father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Right before his death, he asked to talk to his son. "Son, listen to me. Never try to comtemplate the world we live in, it's too spontaneous and insane to understand. This world can either give you bliss or depression. Nothing inbetween. And most people who make there way up to the top eventually will fall. What goes up must come down. Ha... I never thought I'd be talking to me own son giving him a silly lecture in a deathbed. But just look at me..."the father gets very muddled and disoriented* "...Son. They say most of us have a good reason to live. Well don't most of us have a good reason to die too?" Malik Cartwright died on March 22, 1999. His son went on to legally change his middle name to "Leek", after his father's nickname. He went on to get the same Master's Degree that his father received, and had kids of his own. The whereabouts of the mother are unknown.

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what does a gorilla do when it sleeps. it snores.

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What's worse than the holocaust. I'm a Nazi so the holocaust wasn't actually that bad.

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What do you call a room full of lawyers? A group of legally educated professionals.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms Knock knock Who's there? Certainly not Sally

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Your mammas so fat, she weighs significantly more than the average person.

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Gotta go Mark Gotta go Mark MARK MARKMARKMARK! Moving at the speed of mark I'm the quickest mark around Got ourselves a mark Start getting a new mark Without any mark On top of mark! Go- Go- Go- Don't mark Don't mark Just markmarkmarkmark! mark, he's on the run mark, he's number one mark, he's coming next so watch out for mark X! Gotta go mark, gotta go mark mark mark markmarkmark Go go go go go go go go go! marrrrrkkk X!!

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Orange" "Oh, hey."

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If there are 3 apples, and you take 2, how many do you have? BLAM! Texas castle law, motherfukker!

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When I eat Mi Familia Mexica food, it burns when I go to the bathroom. Is that bad?

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Why did people have cold showers in the old days? Because there was no electricity back then, making it hard to heat water to a temperature that was classified as 'warm'.

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when chuck norris plays call of duty, his only perk is ghost pro.

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How many black men does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, you racist.

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Your Momma is so old, she started exercising more and eating healthier to increase the chance of her living long enough to enjoy your own children's lives.

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What did the deaf man say to the blind man? Look out there's a bus in front of you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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