Q: What did the man say before he was stabbed? A: "What are you gonna do, stab me?"

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A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.

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Who can make 50 iPads in 1 hour? An Asian

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A duck walks into a bar.... Animal control is swiftly called and the duck is relocated to a nearby park.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Boo Boo hoo? Boo hoo your parents are dead.

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What do you get when you cross a horse and a donkey? a mule

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Anti jokes gives me cold sores

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Women's rights

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Why did the chicken eat fried chicken? Because fried chicken is so good! Kelvin Yang.

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Knock, Knock! Who's There? Your neighbor, I found your lost cat! Oh thanks!

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there's 4 men, a rabbi, a priest, a monk, and a captain. they all go on the captain's ship for a cruise with a couple hundred people. this was during the cold war, and the ship was mistaken for a war ship, and the russians missled it. the monk says: "we have to get everyone off the ship!" the rabbit say: "NO! the women and children need to get off first! And we should also hail to Satan!" the Captain says: "OMG! It's a talking Rabbit!" the priest then stops the rabbit to death!" the rabbi says: "The rabbit is right! But just the children!" The Captain says: "Screw the children! this ship is going to Hell, we have talking animals saying we should worship the devil!" the priest says: "Do you think we have time" the monk, the rabbi, and the captain stare and beat him to death.... "Well, he was already going to Hell" the Monk says. But during this entire time the ship has been sinking and another missle blows up the ship. Everyone dies, except for Sean Conery...and Chuck Norris.

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A doctor, a farmer, and a blonde walk into a bar. The doctor orders red wine because he knows it's good for the heart. The farmer orders a Piña Colada because he likes fruit. The two men wait eagerly to what the blonde is about to order. The blonde opens her purse and says "Damn it, I can't find my credit card." Suddenly, a handsome young gentleman walks up to her says "Don't worry miss, I'll buy a drink for you. What are you having?" The blonde looks up and says "Don't worry? I just lost my credit card!" In a fit a of anger, the blonde storms out the bar and doesn't order anything.

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What's the best way to look 10 pounds thinner? Lose 10 pounds

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Why was the ghost boy sad? He was attending his own funeral.

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What's bigger then a bowling ball? What? Your mom!

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Im Really Stoned And you have met with a terrible fate haven't you?

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Me: I have a great knock knock joke but you have to start it off. You: Knock knock Me: who's there? You: silence as the person is confused as what's going on

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A child rides by his mother on his bicycle and says "Look Mom, no hands!" The child doesn't come back, and night falls but he has yet to come home. His mother calls the police and a search begins 2 days later. He is never found is presumed dead.

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What do you call something that has two legs, arms and is bloody all over? My ex's new boyfriend.

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how do you get a taco? Buy one!

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Two men walk into a bar, they weren't looking where they were going.

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what is the vent wound on the ladies that can never heal???

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Which side of a chicken has more feathers? The outside.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops