This guy says: "Doctor doctor, it hurts when I do this!" He jiggles his arm and screames in pain. The doctor replies: "Well, don't do it then!"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the avocado say to the person? I can't talk

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do you get straight A's? Try really hard throughout the school year and when it comes to the exams study enough to ensure you understand all the material, but so so much as to compromise your sleeping pattern, and in turn, your performance on the day.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Roses are red Violets are blue You think this will rhyme But it ain't gonna.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

47

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call a pelican with no wings? A dead pelican

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats worse than a little kid falling. Him getting vigorously raped by his father every night.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what the difference between matthew and a retard? The retard can do math

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? He didn't want to.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Knock Knock. Who's there. To. To who. To whom.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? usually one new yorker.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

mc hammers income.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? -death -kidney failure -gall stones -getting in an automobile accident -getting struck by lightning -getting sodomized -embezzlement -deception -HIV/AIDS -illness of any nature -world hunger -the holocaust -Zimbabwe's economy -getting hit by a train -getting hit by a bus -the hives -getting bit by an alligator -head injuries -being arrested -childhood obesity -sexual predators -highly impoverished areas -losing a finger -getting hit with a bat -corruption -general rudeness -being lost in the woods -contracting a sexually transmitted virus -teen pregnancy -murder -rape -robbery -going blind -losing a child -falling down a well -bestiality -identity fraud -massacres -racism -genocide -mental disabilities in children -bullying -food poisoning -stepping on a nail -eugenics -the mass murder, rape, and theft of the land from the Native people of America -forced assimilation -slavery -brain deteriorating illness -matricide -prostitution - accidentally repeating yourself -prostitution -domestic violence -animal cruelty -pollution -deforestation -global warming -losing your life savings -still birth -oppressive leaders -physical conflicts -world wars and other military conflict -the situation in Rwanda -Inequality in treatment of women in middle eastern countries -auto theft -tax evasion -terrorism -being diagnosed with cancer -clinical depression -prostitution -finding two worms in your apple

thumb_up thumb_down +14

If a tree falls, and nobody is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? No. While the falling tree surely creates mechanical oscillations in the air, sound is defined as the mechanical oscillations in the air perceived by humans. Therefore, since no humans were around to hear the tree fall, it did not create a sound.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

If an atom bomb falls in a town, does it make a sound? Not to most people, as they would be killed in a massive catastrophe that will be etched into their ancestors minds for years to come, not to mention radiation poisoning and deformation.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

When life gives you lemons, chuck them at the creepy man across the block.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A black guy and a Mexican are in a car. who's driving? The black guy because he just turned 16. His school mate the Mexican child is still only 15 and he will have to wait a few more months before he can drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do you drown a black man? You refuse to help him due to your pride and therefore you are no longer a decent member of society.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

dur dur dur dur said the child born during an earthquake

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q. Why did the girl with no legs fall off her bike? A. Somebody threw a refrigerator at her.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: What's worse than the holocaust. A: Me not getting my Christmas presents.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

There once was a man named Joe. Joe had AIDS, and killed all his friends and family The End, now go back to bed, pussy

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Haikus are easy, But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys? D-12.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops