How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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mat: whats 2+2? emma: how long we lasted

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What did the veterinarian say to the dog? Ohhh who is a good dog? You are!

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Do you know why children in Africa don't read Harry Potter too much? Because they can't read.

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what smelss like crap.... CRAP dose DUH

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What object do bananas look like? Bananas.

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sausage is brown, and so is my wife.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fish, just because it has a disability it doesn't mean you can treat it any differently

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Did the Chicken cross the road? No the road moved the chicken across.

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Iggy Azalea

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What do you call a man who laughed at a joke that wasn't funny? A man who gets amused at the littlest things.

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gay marriage.

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what happened to your gran you tell me

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Knock Knock Who's there? *silence* Silence Who?

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How come Emmet Till never attended college? Because he was brutally murdered.

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Did you hear about the 2 guys who wanted to go to rome? They didnt go

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a man texted his wife saying "hey sexy, how was your day?(;" unfortunately, she never replied because she got in a cr accident and died from texting while driving.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.....

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whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? getting stranded on an island with your best friend and realizing several days later that you will have to eat him to survive. hours after eating your friend a boat saves you and now have to live the rest of your life knowing you ate somebody.................... oh and the Holocaust

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You must be Jamaican cause you have long dreadlocks and you are listening to Bob Marley

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What did the black man say to the other black man. We're both niggas.

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Have you ever seen the episode of the powerpuff girls where they save the day?

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If you are my friend like it!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops