What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? Art.

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What did Obama get at the bar? A shot... In the head.

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Is your friend gay? Yeah, duh, of course he's happy.

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There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose body parts were all adequate and thus could not perform any odd sexual acts upon himself.

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Two gay men walk down the street holding hands, and are applauded for expressing their love for each other.

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What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre

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What happened to the guy that stuck his finger up his asshole? It felt GOOOOOOODD

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I just flew in from New York and boy are my arms tired. I was jerking off during the entire plane ride.

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Doctor, I've caught a cold. Take a Halls.

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What did one black guy say to the other black guy? I haven't thought of it yet....

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kronkel spasm dizzle nork is short for: i cant believe you bought a ninja monkey to scratch your clownitis! i am randomly going to have a spasm cause i am down with that dizzle..... lets watch a show callled norks! i am pregnant with your baby ducky.

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Knock, knock Who's there? You're adopted...

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What's so sad about a bus with mentally handicapped children driving off a cliff? There was one empty seat.

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What happened when Aladdin rubbed his lamp? It got slightly cleaner.

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GLaDOS: So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious! GLaDOS: The end. GLaDOS: The end? GLaDOS: That's not funny. GLaDOS: Do either of you feel like laughing? GLaDOS: Alright, I'm pulling you out. GLaDOS: Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen. GLaDOS: As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers. GLaDOS: At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse. GLaDOS: Briefly. GLaDOS: Reactions? GLaDOS: Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.

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Obama

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A man and a dog were sitting on a hill, the dog says to the man "Nice weather we are having today isn't it?" The man then goes insane because dogs can't talk, then later commits suicide from depression caused by his wife leaving him.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. But it wasn't as good as he had hoped it would be.

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Two cougars are at a nightclub. Suddenly, they attack and 8 patrons are mauled to death.

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How did the stapeler disappear? I ate it.

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Knock Knock Who's there its me... we need to talk go away tod. i told you never to come back here babe, just open the door why? so you can beat me again? i said i was sorry! i just want to see my little girl... well maybe you should of been there for us! babe... i love you you lying son of a bitch... you dont deserve us open the damn door or i will beat it down im calling the cops YOU BETTER NOT BITCH! I WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! tod... please... get out come here no... NO! get the hell off of me!!!! HELP!! RAPE!! RAPE!!! SHUT UP WHORE (crying) please... please... ...mommy? SARAH! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! MOMMY LOVES YOU! ooh.. theres my little girl. you miss daddy? GET AWAY FROM HER!!! SHUT UP BITCH! come give daddy a hug what have you done to mommy? what you want some too? SARAH I SAID GET OUT THE HOUSE! GET HELP! ...mommy im scared... (sob) oh your crying? you want something to cry about? OH ILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT! .... you better get the hell out of here tod.. whoah... babe where did you get a gun GET OUT babe... put the gun down... relax NO YOU RELAX! all these years ive been raising this baby. without you. all by myself. and i dont want you in the picture now. ILL DO WHAT I DAMN WELL PLEASE ill see you in hell... (BANG) (BANG)

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how many aliens does it take to change a light bulb? i wouldn't know, i have never seen one and there is the off chance that they don't even exist

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What happened to the peanut who went to NYC? Nothing because he was eaten on the plane

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What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until the boys hit puberty before coming on their face.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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