Why did the car suddenly stop? It was at a redlight.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I can tell by your accent.

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A) Knock Knock. B) Who's There? A) Me. B) Oh, well I'm in the shower, just give me five minutes. A) OK, I'll wait in the kitchen, is it cool if I heat up a hot pocket? B) Yeah sure, just not the pepperoni one, I only have one left and I was saving it for lunch. A) Alright.

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A man walks into a bar. The bar is closed and the man is a thief. The police are promptly called in fear that the situation may become increasingly dangerous.

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what's the difference between ya mum and a cow? nothing. by mad james

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What did the baby say to its mother after breastfeeding? Nothing

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what happened to the autistic child that traveled to antarctica? he died.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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If there are 3 apples, and Johnny takes away 3 of them, how many apples does Johnny have? None, because Johnny got hit by a train.

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:O + :P = 69

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A black man walks into a bar with a parot on his shoulder. The bartender says "Hey you can't bring that in here!" The Parot replies "Sorry i'll have him wait outside."

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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter, he's not coming

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What happened when the man stuck his hand in the blender? Nothing, it was turned off.

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How do you make a baby cry? You throw a brick at it's face.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Im Really Stoned And you have met with a terrible fate haven't you?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the other birds had taken hostage the chickens family.

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Why did the addict choke himself with a trash bag? His family couldn't afford a funeral and it was the quickest way to disappear.

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Q: What is a duck's favorite thing to smoke? A: Quack

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How do you blindfold and Asian? By using a sturdy bandanna, cloth, any other object to avert ones view.

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100% of smokers die 100% of people die I am tied to a tree

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Q: I have 2 dogs. Why? A: I like dogs

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Why could the girl climb out of the pool? She drowned

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Q. How do you kill a fish A. You don't have to BP already did

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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