Your mama is so ugly that she tried out for America's Next Top Model and did not get in.

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How do you get a baby out of a blender? Pour it.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? The average male weights approximately 1150lbs.

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what ya call e dong withb eyes peeneyes

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how much is a microwave full of dead babies? a fridge full of dead puppies.

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A guy walks into a bar. The universe instantly shatters around him under the weight of infinite potential punchlines. He tumbles through the void amongst the shards of his broken reality. This is the worst joke ever.

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Two Atheists walk into a bar. A nearby Christian notices this fact and proceeds to slightly preach to both of the Atheists. They then kindly explain that they don't personally believe in God, but respect the Christian's opinion. They all order drinks, and become very close friends, engaging in a long, hateless conversation.

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Q: What do you call a hobo asking for change? A: Get off my driveway!

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What did pikachu say when his trainer was murdered? Pikachu.

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A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" The man responds "I'd like to hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance covered everything." The man hangs his head and tears up as he asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor heads for the door as he answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you're being denied coverage. None of your future treatments or appointments will be paid for." The man snaps his fingers and says "I should've voted Democrat!"

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There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a chest of drawers. The Englishman put a flask of coffee in the top drawer without even looking. Diane hates wrestling.

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An owl turns to the other owl. He has to, he can't move his eyes.

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What do you call a black man riding a bike? Alan. He's studying environmental engineering at NYU.

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Hearpin my durp

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What do you call a black man working for Bank of America? A successful individual.

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knock knock whos there? the police, your under arrest

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Why is it hot outside? Because God made it so.

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I see London, I see France, I am in an airplane on my way to Europe.

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Q:If pigs ever played basketball, then what sound would they make? A:Oink-oink

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How do you kill half the population of Mexico? A preemptive nuclear strike.

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An Octopus walks into a bar and sees that there are multiple people with instruments. The man with the Guitar says "I bet you cant play the Guitar better than Led Zeplin?" So the Octopus plays and he is better than Led Zeplin. Then the man with the Piano says "I bet you can't play the piano better than Elton John?" So the Octopus Plays it better than Elton John. The Last man from Scotland says " i bet you can't plat the bagpipes better than me?" So... The Octopus is playing around with the Bagpipes and they say to him "Hurry Up!" and the Octopus says "Shut up, I'm trying to have sex with it but first I need to get it's pajamas off" (Bagpipes have 8 long things you blow into and they have a pattern that looks like a pajama pattern) hahaha

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why did the kid get chemotherapy? because he had cancer

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Steve,Jerry and tom all go into the mens toilets, because they are men.

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Justin Bieber walked into a gay-bar, The whole world applauded.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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