A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What is worse than being blind? Having a brain tumour.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did Adele suck the doctors dick? LOL, did you think the doctor really got her to open her mouth all the time so he could "look at her sick throat"

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? Because she was blind and deaf.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

yo mama's so fat, we are all extremely concerned about her health

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Did you hear about the elderly bank robber? Me neither.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

You wanna know something that's totally out of this world? The moon

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Dave: Say "game" ten times fast Bud: Game, game, game, game, gay ma, gay ma, I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What do you call a man who has committed more than 10 crimes? Whatever his name happens to be.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

a catholic priest and a young boy

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why was Ray Charles always smiling? because he was a happy guy

thumb_up thumb_down +18

BOOBIES!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what does chuck norris use to cut scissors? another scissor.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Three kids are standing on a corner. They have red hair, blue hair, and green hair respectively. A man asks the kid with red hair "How did you get your hair red?" The kid replies, "I dyed it." The man then asks the kid with blue hair, "How did you get your hair blue?" The kid replies, "I dyed it." The man finally asks the kid with green hair, "How did you get your hair green?" The kid wipes his hand across his nose, gathering green slime and replies, "I dyed it."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the pig have a band-aid? Because he had a whole in his foot.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

¸Knock Knock whos there Penis penis who your family has penis cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +14

whats worse than bitting into a apple a finding a worm? bitting into ur apple an finding out u have just killed noddy who was hiding in ur apple

thumb_up thumb_down +14

One muffin doesn't say anything to another muffin while baking in an oven because they lack the organs necessary to attain properties of speech and thought

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A plane crashed in the rainforest. The survivors all buried themselves because no survival equipment were left and they all sought to kill themselves in their deep state of shock and fear.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the orphan boy get for his birthday? The extermination of his race.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why couldn't the Asian reach the sink? Because he was a 4 year old boy, and was only about 3 feet tall.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I little 3 year old girl said to her dog "You're my best friend in the whole world" AND THEN THE DOG DIED!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why did stacey marry bally because she loves him

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops