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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your couch? My brother.

Why did the tomato blush? It didn't - red is the natural colour for ripe tomatoes.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Beacuse it was dead.

What do you call 10,000 lawers jumping out of a plane? A good start.

Q:whats the easiest way to get crabs? A:at your local seafood market.

Microsoft Windows

What's the difference between your dog and your mother? Your dog doesn't think you're a disgrace to the family

How do you fit 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender. How do you get them out again? With Doritos.

Why couldn't the boy play catch with his dad? His Dad is dead.

Kid: Hey,can i have all the answers to this test please. Teacher: What the hell kid im the fricken teacher.

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Person 1: Do you want to hear a joke? Person 2: Sure! Person:1: That was the joke... You missed it!!!!!

Why does Kony kidnap infants? To create an Infantry

Kid: Teacher, what do you hate more than supervising people in detention sessions at this school? Teacher: I am a vegan. Hence meat is relatively dispicable and I abhor it in general.

Billy isn't a homosexual, he just has sex with men. Billy has sex with men, because Billy's in prison.

Q: How many cantaloupes can you fit into Jackie Chan's basement? A: 4

Why was Superman white? Because Jerry Siegel is a racist.

Q: what's black, white and red all over A: a penguin in a blender

If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it - Is there still a woman in the kitchen?

What did the Engineer say to the English major? Hey we went to the same school and got different degrees! Cool!

What did the lover say to his lover? I love you

Q: Why was Seven afraid of Eight? A: He was octophobic.

Why did the boy have a tumor? Because he had cancer.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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