I am just not using any mentalism nor any of those techniques anymore that is all, is it alright if I call you now?

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Knock knock *silence* Knock knock *silence* KNOCK KNOCK! Hey! Can't you read the sign?! It's says "Do Not Disturb!"

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A man walks into a Kentucky Fried Chicken I don't see anything funny about this at all. -Tag

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There's a fair in a small town in Scotland. In this fair is a sheep judging contest. There are 3 sheep lined up for judging. The judge looks at the first sheep and says "Wow! This is the most beautiful sheep I've ever seen! This sheep just might win!" Then he proceeds to the second sheep. He says "This sheep is even more beautiful than the first! This sheep just might win!" Then he goes to the third sheep. He says "UGH! This is the ugliest most disgusting sheep I've ever seen! There is no way this sheep will win this contest!" And the sheep looks up at him and says, "You think I'm ugly? Well I'm not."

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why did the chicken jump down the nest after laying eggs without flying? Because there was no ladder!

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Why werent you at my party? Becasue there was none!

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Guy walks into a bar and half his head is an orange. Barman: What can i get.. holy shit half your head is an orange!! How did that happen?? Guy: Magic Lamp, rubbed it, three wishes etc etc. Barman: What in the bejesus were your three wishes, half your head is an orange. Guy: First Wish – I wished for every woman in the world to love me. Barman: Right, that is ok. What was your second wish? Guy: Second Wish – I wished that I was a billionaire. Barman: What in the hell was your third wish half your head is a frickin orange? Guy: It was a silly wish. I dot wanna say: Barman: Go on tell me, I’ll give you a drink. Guy: OK well for my third wish I wished that half my head was an orange.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There is no reason. Chickens have short memories and no motivations other than food.

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A baseball player hits a home run and wins the game for his team, when he arrives back home expecting to see his mother and father, he remembers they both died in a car crash several years ago.

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8============D PEN1S

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What did a child without arms and legs get for Christmas present. Cancer.

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jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water. jack fell down and broke his crown, and is now in intensive care.

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How many muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb. One.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it felt like it.

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What did the blind man say to his wife? Nothing, for he was mute too

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Q; What do you call a dog? A; A dog.

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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A dead guy laying on the floor holding a gun and a knife. What killed him? cancer.

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Q: What do you call a white sheet on the floor? A: A ghost costume, dirty laundry, or carpet are all perfectly adequate answers.

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A priest walks into a day care center. He calmly blesses all of the surrounding children a leaves.

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What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They were caucasian artists.

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What do you call a man wearing a hockey mask and holding a chainsaw? A Lumberjack, I lied about the hockey mask

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haikus are easy but sometimes they make no sense refrigerator

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A spanish man, a french man and an italian man sat at a pub. And they realise no one can speak english properly.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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