two philosophers stood in silence at the foot of a very large mountain; a mountain not only too high to climb, but also too wide to walk around. So the first philosopher finally speaks: "...so, what do you do for a living?"

thumb_up thumb_down +45

What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Dying of terminal cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What did the black man say to the other black man? Nothing, he was recently involved in a terrible car accident which he barely survived but lost the function of speech and was paralysed from the neck downwards. He is constantly in pain and desperately wants someone to kill him but has no way of communicating this so is forced to wait until his natural death.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

womens rights!

thumb_up thumb_down +39

How do you get a movie star to go out with you? Blackmail.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

A mute says to a paraplegic: You can talk the talk - but can you walk the walk?

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why was the black man sad? People were frequently talking and whispering about his dark colouring behind his back. Also he had no legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Three tomatoes are walking down the street... No wait, they're in my salad.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What happens when you cross a dog and a cat? Something.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Roses are Brown Violets are Brown I hate everyone on antijoke that steals what I write I fisted a cows butt hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why did the chicken cross the road? Loss of habitat.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you call a black person in 1780? A slave mostly...

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Rebbeca black walked into a bar on Saturday

thumb_up thumb_down +33

George Bush.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Just kidding, Stephen Hawking doesn't drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

i have 2 penises

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did the pig say to the banana? Oink.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Whats worst than being attacked by a tiger? Being attacked by 2 tigers.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

what does the doctor say to the patient. you have cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Wanna here somethin funny? Nope.avi

thumb_up thumb_down +27

So there is 10 Nazis and a monkey the rest doesn't matter but i farted...

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas? A) Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops