Q: What happens when you throw a green rock in the Red Sea? A: It gets wet.

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What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

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Your mama is so....well we've been friends since childhood and I know your mother passed away recently. So, as to refrain from being an insensitive jerk to a good friend. I will tell this joke to someone with a mother who is fat, dumb, lazy, ugly, or has a combination of these traits. Or has none of these and happens to be a nice lady with a son/daughter who just enjoys a good mama joke.

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A man had a terminal illness. He died a few months after he was diagnosed.

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A priest, a rabbi and a captain are in a sinking ship. The rabbi says let's save the children. The captain says f*ck the children. The priest days do we have time.

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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What do you call a douche with no arms or legs? A device for washing out the vagina as a contraceptive measure.

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A man walked into a bar. He did this because he was blind and could not see the obstacle in his path.

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A woman goes into a butchers with her baby. She says "I live a few doors down and my scales are broken, do you mind weighing my son?" The butcher takes the boy away and a short while later returns holding a dripping bag. "He's 17lbs two ounces" he informs her, as his colleague brings the boy to the counter safe and well.

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look left now look right. washing machine

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knock knock your gay

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How do you make a dog drink? You put the dog in a blender

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How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows? They all just sit and bitch about it.

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do you know what's so funny? yup

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What do you call a fish without an eye? fsh.

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A man walks in a bar. He walks out.

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Your mom is so dumb, she has difficulty acquiring a job to support her family.

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your mother is so lesbian

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Why doesn't Santa Claus like cantaloupe? Because he doesn't exist. You have to exist to like cantaloupe.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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why did the baby cross the road...? cause he was chained to my bumper

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Hey are you from Tennessee, 'cause you have a very nice accent.

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abcdHIV this disease is killing me

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A man. That is all.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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