A piece of rope walks into a bar, and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here." The rope goes into the bathroom, ties himself into a knot, then rubs himself against the walls until his ends are ragged. Then he walks out and says to the bartender: "I'm a frayed knot." The bartender replies, "Right, I see that you've tied yourself into a knot and frayed your ends. So what? What are you trying to prove?" "Well, I...I mean, it was supposed to be a pun, and you were supposed to react like...like it was..." "Look, I thought I was doing you something nice by letting you use the restroom, even though I told you we don't serve ropes here. And then you go in there and rub yourself against the walls or some crazy shit, and probably get them all dirty, and you come out and expect I'm going to give you a drink because of a pun? Is that how you think this works? Get out of my bar before I call the police." The rope slinks out, still tied in a knot, and eventually finds somebody willing to buy a bottle of cheap vodka for him at a liquor store. He never sets foot in the bar again.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

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How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows? They all just sit and bitch about it.

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How do you make a dog drink? You put the dog in a blender

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how do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the brake

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A guy walks into the bathroom, sits down and poops.

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Why can't a T-Rex clap his hands? Because its dead

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Why couldn't the young boy go trick or treating? He was a diabetic.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a bagel.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

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Yo momma is so ugly, she might not win the "America's next top model" contest.

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Q: Why did the boy cross the road? A: Because he was being chased by a pedophile.

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Knock Knock. Shut up.

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How do you make a mail man cry? Run him over with a forklift.

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a rabbi sees a nazi in time square. he simply walks past because as we are in america the nazi can do nothing to harm him.

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Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

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What did the kettle say to the pot? Nothing, inanimate objects can't talk.

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Last night I saw an elephant in my pajamas. I don't know why I went to the zoo in my pajamas.

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lol

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abcdHIV this disease is killing me

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Why did the 40 year old man quickly close his web page when his wife called his name? Because he had to leave.

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What's worse than Bin Weevils? Nick Clegg.

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-Knock, Knock -Who's there? -Granny -You don't sound like Granny... -Just let me in little boy. -MOM!!!!!

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Wats wet and salty and people on the west coast get covered in it? Sweat.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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