when do you go to heaven? Never, it doesn't exist.

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What is a bear's favorite televison show? It doesnt have one because it is a bear which makes watching television an illogical fallacy.

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How do you have sex with an amputee? stick it in the eyes

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You hear about that old man that died on the news? It was my grandfather... oh...

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A black man and a mexican are in a car, who's driving? The mexican, the black man broke his arm and the mexican is driving him to the hospital.

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An Irishman walks into a bar. He quickly exits as he thought it was the Polish restaurant located directly nextdoor. He then enters the Polish restaurant and orders a delicious lunch. He tips his waiter 20%.

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How can you tell if a woman is dead? She has no pulse.

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What did the monkey say to the garbage collector? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAA

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Whats green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree you'll die? A pool table.

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I'm so hungry, I could eat an adequately sized meal

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Romney 2012

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What do you call a man with three arms and three legs and no nose. A highly unlikely instance that no one would believe is real.

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How did the blond die? Substance abuse

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what is a vampires favorite dessert? a used tampon

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, sorry i gave you Herpes type 2.

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Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF

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The little mouse lifted the giant Elephant up so the Elephant could reach the bag of snacks, but then the Elephant said: I cant reach it, you must be tired so lets switch places... Squish: Squish! Elephant: Mouse! Where are you! *looks at "squish" NO! THIS WAS NOT THE WAY THE JOKE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!!!!! Moral: Elephants cant talk...

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I don't often drink beer. But when I do, I recklessly beat my wife and kids.

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2 gingers went to a pumpkin patch... And nobody ever found them( life lesson, don't take your ginger to a pumpkin patch)

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Why did the fly get off the toilet? It got pissed off.

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Why did Dave not hug his wife? Because she looked horrifying from the Iraq war.

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Knock knock. Who's there? *gun shot*

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what does the doctor say to the patient. you have cancer

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whats the best way to burn calories? Set a fat kid on fire.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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