What did the mouse say to the elephant? Squeak.

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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Why did the man eat the apple? Because he was hungry.

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Whats the difference between a dead baby and an orange? One is a tasty treat you can peal and enjoy and the other is an orange

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Patrick is gay

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What do you call a Jewish lawyer, who is happily married to a woman, but goes and sees a man on the side? A gay Jewish lawyer who cheats on his fake wife.

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i hate you.

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Why was the orphan crying? His parents were dead and his future was uncertain.

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Why doesn't Santa come in the summer? Because it's not Christmas.

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Why was Adam sad his dog got ran over? He was holding the dog.

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A bar walks into your mother.

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What's better than winning the lottery? Winning it twice.

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I got a joke. What did the Platypus say to the Policeman?" "What a ridiculous question, Platypus's can't talk.

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What did Jimmy get for his birthday? Nothing, he was dead

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What do you get when you cross a cat with a log? I think the better question is why are you mixing those two things together?

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Knock Knock Who's There? Just open the damn door I forgot my key and I really need to pee

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No, I don't have ADH...- Oh look, a butterfly!!

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There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

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A van drives into a car. An hour earlier, the man who was driving the van walked into a bar.

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Why did Billy fall down? Because his brain was replaced with a piece of toast.

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Q: what do strawberry and a cat have in common? A: they are both red except for the cat

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What's the difference between a black man with a pie and an asian with an apple. They're of different ethnicitiesand cultures, and are holding different foods.

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What did the bartender say to the midget as he entered the bar? Nothing besides attempting to serve him in the same manner as any other reveller whilst attempting to disguise his sense of pity for the midget's debilitating and somewhat stigmatised condition.

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what is red and looks like blue paint? red paint.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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