A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks: "why that long face?" The horse, being a horse, thus not being able to comprehend the complexities of a conversation, says nothing and then shits on the floor.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Your mama is so....well we've been friends since childhood and I know your mother passed away recently. So, as to refrain from being an insensitive jerk to a good friend. I will tell this joke to someone with a mother who is fat, dumb, lazy, ugly, or has a combination of these traits. Or has none of these and happens to be a nice lady with a son/daughter who just enjoys a good mama joke.

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why did jimmy fall off the swing? because he was a tree.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. Come in!

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Let Me In. Let Me In Who? Let Me In or I Will Kill You Tomorrow!

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Last week, I saw a film. As I recall it was a horror film.

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How do you start up a good conversation? Wanna have a good conversation?

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How do you know when a guy wants to have sex with you? When he rapes you

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What's worst than Rick Perry? Two Rick Perrys.

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What's yellow and can not swim? A Bulldozer

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Why did an abusive childhood affect the little boy's behavior? Beats me.

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The government wants us to stop using gas and be eco friendly. Tell that to Hitler.

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Pianca going ham

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Why did the penguin cross the road? Chicken

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Rebecca Black was taking a leisurely stroll on a Friday afternoon. She was consumed by a lion.

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If life gives you melons ... You might be dyslexic

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because people kept making the same joke about her not having arms so she was hoping the fall would break her neck.

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Indeed.

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Why aren't jokes funny in base 8? Because 7, 10, 11.

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Your mother is so obese that the extra weight is putting strain on her knees she now needs knee surgery.

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The procrastinators association meeting has been postponed. - Anonymous

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how do you make a blonde laugh on friday tell her shes a blonde on monday

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What do you call batman when we lost all his money? Broke

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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