When life gives you lemons, you probably just found lemons.

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What did the orphan do on his birthday? He burned down his orphanage, he hated the place because he was severly abused.

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whats the differnce between madalin macan and batman?...batman returns

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One time there was a guy who jumped off a bridge and died

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What is the difference between john madsen and a gay person. There isn't because john is gay

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How does Batman's mother call him to dinner? She doesn't, she's dead.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It escaped.

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what did nena say in the library while her and her friends were on anti-jokes? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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Why was the blonde so stupid? She suffers a severe case of retardation.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? "Robin, get in the Batmobile."

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caoimhin is a dorty carrot

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Q: Why does Billy get bullied at school? A: Because he has Down's Syndrome

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What's brown and sticky? "A stick?" No, poo.

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Knock knock Who’s there? The police, your family was killed in a horrific car crash on highway 22 this morning at 10:15 after they collided head on with a truck. They died instantly if it is any conciliation. We will contact you further into our investigation. Dave then poured himself a whiskey and thought about all the good times he and his family shared, teaching Jessica to ride a bike, his and Kate’s honeymoon in Honolulu, playing catch with Jacob. That’s when the full extremity of the situation hit Dave causing him to break into tears he sat and cried for three hours and fifteen minutes. Once he had gotten that out of his system he decided to visit his mother and tell her the horrible news. Knock Knock Who’s there? Dave Dave who? Again Dave breaks into tears as his grandmothers althsiemers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember her sons name. Feeling shattered he decides not to go through the process of explaining who he is and decides to head to the local pub to drown his sorrows. Bartender: hard day? Dave: my wife and two beautiful children were mauled in a head on collision with a truck and my mother can’t remember who I am. Bartender: yeah sure but was it a hard day? Dumbstruck with this ridiculous remark Dave pauses for a moment. The bar is silent only the sounds of bottles clinking and feet tapping on bar stools can be heard. Cigarette smoke hangs in the air. Dave stares at the bartender momentarily then throws his bottle at him send him off balance Dave then grabs the shot gun he knows the bartender keeps behind the counter and shoots the bartender at point blank range. Some customers run scared witless other try to control Dave but only end up in the same position as the bartender. Dave is left standing in a pool of blood. The smell of death hangs in the air with the cigarette smoke. Feeling slightly better Dave heads home and kills himself. Dave was an excellent plumber we will miss him.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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roses are blue violets are red dont judge me

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When life throws you lemons, Throw grenades.

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what do you call a white man in a black neighborhood a minority

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Why couldnt hellen keller drive because she was a women

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A guy went to McDonalds and asked for a cheeseburger: —Can I have a cheeseburguer? —No

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Whats the opposite of red? Fish!

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Q: What happens when you throw a glowing purple rock into a bright green stream? A: It makes a splash

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A man says to a boy. I bet you I can jump over that mountain. The boy wins the bet because it is a physical impossibility to jump over a mountain.

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What do you all a black person on the moon? An Astronaut

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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