Josh, this is your mother. I was wondering if you wanted me to bring my lube and strapon to bed tonight. Wait never mind about the strapon because i have my dick to use.

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What happened to the boy who ate too much? He got type 2 diabetes

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A dog walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "why the long face?" The dog replies, "because I am a dog you idiot, my face always looks like this"

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Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!

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What did the virulent Homophobe do during the PRIDE national day of silence? He talked

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How do you stop a clown from laughing? Hit him in the face with an axe

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what looks like a banana? a penis

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A man walks into the bar. It was typical day and nothing interesting happened.

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Why did the girl go to Jupiter? To get more stupider

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Have you heard about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problems out with a pencil... It was a #2 pencil

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what's the difference between a lion and an ostrich? they are both birds, a part from the lion

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Doctor, doctor, i feel like a pair of curtains. Well I'm going to refer you to a mental institute and forward this meeting to a specialist due to the schizophrenic attitude and belief you have. However, I will have to ask you to come back in tomorrow or later today for further tests as to why you feel this way. This is highly abnormal and should be fixed immediately. Another further concerns please contact me asap.

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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Why did the kid poop his pants? He was a baby

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what happens when u fall down the stairs? you break your arm.

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Whats alive and drowning? your new born baby you just threw in the river

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In a stranded island, a plane crashes. Only one man survives. He asks himself "Where do I bury everybody else?" The others proceed to look at him strangely. He was the only surviving male.

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Justin Bieber's voice sounds like Michael J. Fox playing a theramin.

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What did the boy with no legs get for his birthday? Pants.

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What the difference between a ferarri and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a pile of dead babies in my garage. That would be murder.

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Why did the hippo drink the water? Because it was thirsty

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Why is a bulldog so aggressive Because it was raised for dog fights in basements Dog fights aren't right kids, and you should never get involved but if you find yourself in the cage fighting one of the dogs, you should really think about how you got there.

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If you have 5 bucks and Chuck Norris has 5 buck you both have 5 bucks

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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