What do mermaids wear? Nothing. Mermaids don't exist

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How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his lack of energy and motivation due to his disorder. His wife divorced Jimmy because he can no longer support her and their two kids.

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Why does life hand you lemons? Because it sucks enough, so it wants you to have some.

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Q: When did the man realize it was 5:00am? A: When it became 5:00am.

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What does china and an 80 year old body builder have in common? They're both asian. I forgot to mention that the body builder is japanese.

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The blonde is in the park withb a rope a man passes and says what are u doing, she says im goin o hang and kill myself. the next day the man comes back and sees the blonde there alive he says i thought u were goin hang yourself she says i tried but i couldnt breathe.

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whats the hardest answer ever? The one without a question.

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There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't

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Knock knock Who's there? Chicken Chicken who? I can't believe you're talking to a chicken

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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Jimmy: Daddy how are babies made? Dad: If i knew how you wouldn't be here...

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Pain Olympics.

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What is the difference between Switzerland and Sudan? One is in Europe the other is in Africa

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My cat just died.

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Men's rights Because its an anti-joke

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They say that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. If that is true, then who on Earth are we? [L]

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Two frogs go to the bar only to leave because frogs can't open up doors.

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A baby seal walks into a club. :|

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What did you say? I'm blind. (Did not write this meaning to be offensive)

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You know what really grinds my gears? Insufficient lubricant.

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Why is Short Circuit the best movie ever made? Because it tastes like lemons

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guy walks into a bar.... Ouch.

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What did the cop say to the speeding black man? "Can I see your license and registration?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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