What did the 5 year old girl ask Santa for Christmas? A pony.

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what's worse than two dead babies? three dead babies.

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Why was the man afraid of the cat? Because he is allergic to cats and might die if he gets too close to it.

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Why was grandma lying on the floor? She just died of lung cancer.

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There are four worms moving in a straight line, one in front of the other. The first worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me!" The second worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" How can this be? ...the fourth worm lied.

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If life throws you lemons Catch them

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How do you kill a blue elephant, with a blue elephant gun, how do you kill a pink elephant, you strangle it until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Shes dead.

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A farmer goes out to the coop to feed the chickens. They're all dead.

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

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How do you keep a woman entertained? A delightful romantic comedy

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What did the lion say the the zebra? Nothing. Lions do not have the ability to speak and therefore could not make conversation with said zebra, hunted it down, killed it, and shared it with his pride of 27.

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What do you call a man which busts ghosts A ghostbuster. Duh

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What do you get when you give a homeless man a sandwich? It thrown at the back of your head.

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Me: Tell me I'm a fairy. You: You're a fairy. Me: Poof! You're a bag of shit!

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What did the penguin say to the polar bear? Nothing because they are on opposite sides of the earth

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Q:What happened to the leprechaun when it jumped in the water? A:It got wet.

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Two people walk into a bar, the third one ducked.

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Small breasts.

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Once upon a time, there was boy. I saw this boy. So I sat on him.

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Two guys were sitting in a pub.

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A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar..... Wait..... How?

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What do you call a used garden tool? A dirty hoe (not ho)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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