What did the unintelligent sports jock say to the band geek. Hey.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The landlord. You're being evicted.

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Whats the difference between Justin Beiber and Polio? Polio was cured.

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What do you call it when you eat cheese that's not yours? Stealing.

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What do an apple and a banana have in common? They are both not cookies

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A Catholic Priest, an Anglican Priest, and a Rabbi were in a train carriage together because they got a package deal to go to a conference on religious tolerance. Good for them.

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A woman goes into the supermarket and buys a single banana, a canned meal for one and some ice cream. While paying for her items, the cashier looks up at her and says "I can tell you're single" "Oh yeah? How'd you know?" The woman asks. "Because you're ugly as fuck." Replies the cashier.

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What's worse than being human? Nothing... No I literally mean nothing at all. Like not being anything?

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I met a man today. His name was John.

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While walking along the beach, a man stubs his toe on a half buried lamp. He picks it up, dusts it off, and a enormous Genie appears in front of him. "You have released me from my 10,000 year imprisonment. I will grant you 3 wishes to repay you." says the Genie. The man quickly uses his 1st wish for wealth and the 2nd for the love of a beautiful woman. Unable to think of a 3rd wish and seeing the sunken look on the Genie's face, he wished for the Genie's freedom. The Genie uses his unrestrained powers to kill the man, resurrect Hitler and enslave the human race.

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In Soviet Russia you drive car, because a car driving you would be screwed up.

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Why did the snowman melt? It got tired of everyday life and decided that it would be best if he disappeared from society... His name was Dave...

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o | ,'~'. / \ | ____|_ | '___,,_' .----------------. | ||(o |o)| ( KILL ALL HUMANS! ) | ------- ,----------------' | _____| -' \ '####, ------- /________\ ( ) |) '_ ' ,------|\ _ /_ / | |_\ || /_ /| | o| _\ _|| /_ / | | |\ _\____//' | ( ( | | | (_,_,_,____/ \ _\ | ------| \ _\|_________| \ _\ \__\\__\ |__| |__||__| ||/__/ |__||__| |__||__| |__||__| /__)/__) /__//__/ /__//__/ /__//__/. .' '. '. (_kOs____)____)

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have multiple personalities So do I

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A man walks into a room with a sly grin on his face, "Tom, have I got a joke to tell YOU!" Tom hurriedly shoos Susie into her bedroom and tells her to lock the door and not open it no matter what. Tom turns to the man, "I've told you twice before to never come back here, I'm beginning to think that you probably don't take what I say very seriously because you might have some sort of chemical imbalance or something in your head, or maybe you're obsessed with my family or something!" The man hangs his head in shame and agrees with Tom, but Tom still had to do something about the intruder so he called the cops. The cops took him to get psychologically analyzed, but Tom didn't know this because he only cared that his daughter Susie was safe and he also doesn't have access to the testing facility's records. Tom is an only father.

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What's red, white, and black, and spins around? A kitten in a blender

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What did Obama do when he heard of Bin Ladins death? He informed the nation of what had happend.

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I love you very much.

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A man was drowning in a lake and so he asked God to save him. A man on a boat came by and said to the drowning man "Do you need any help?" The drowning man said "Yes! Thank God a boat came for me!" So the man on the boat pulled the man from the water and saved him.

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whats red and smells like blue paint? half a painter.

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1+1= 69

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Wanna hear a "Friday" parody? No, that would be copyright infringement.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Commie. Commie who? Commie Johnson. We went to high school together.

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Why did the Polar Bear fall through the ice? The ice was unable to support his mass

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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