When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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Why did the cow go over the hill? He didn't. He was pinned and slaughtered in a private owned animal torture facility.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Why was the kindergartener crying in the corner? His family was poor and his father abused him.

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Knock knock I'M IN THE BATHROOM !!

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So a man walking down a nature trail came across an injured fox laying on the ground in pain, it looked like it was attacked recently. There wasn't much the man could do at the time, so he gently picked up the fox and rushed the fox to his house. The man arrives moments later at his house with the fox. There were a lot of options the man could choose, but he went with a simple recipe. The man grabbed a knife and gutted the fox, removing all unnecessary organs. He then skinned the fox of it's fur. He sliced the head off, cut the legs to a stub, and stuffed it. He gave it a nice seasoning and placed it in the oven at about 350F for 6 hours. When the fox was perfectly cooked, it was taken out of the oven and left to sit for about 5 minutes to cool. He cut a chunk of meat from the dish and sat down to eat. "What a fine meal" the man said.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He got hit by a car.

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Why did the boy fall off his skateboard before running into a cross-section? Because he was shot.

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A newly wed couple is at the beach and the wife asks for sunscreen and the man says he forgot it in the car. He goes to the car only to find that the car had been broken into. He goes to call his wife and they go back to the car only to find that the car had been stolen. #Turns out the thief broke the window to steal the car but saw the owner coming and hid behind a bush and upon the man going to call his wife he continued with his mission

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What is sad and disappointing? Nevada's and California's snow pack.

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What did the milk bottle say to the other milk bottle? Nothing. Bottles can't talk you silly goose.

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A apple a day is good for your overall health and you should schedule check ups with your doctor to maintain good health and avoid seeing him everyday.

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What did the group of black men do to the old white woman? Gave her back the purse she dropped.

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yo mommas so poor she doesn't live in a house

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the sidewalk he was on does not.

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What's green and if you eat it you die? A Biljarts table.

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Q: Whats a spanish teacher who cant speak spanish A: duhh. it called an english teacher

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Knock Knock. Who's There? I don't know. I'm paralyzed.

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whats the point of anti jokes? A: the point that it is no point

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Hey girl, do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I dropped one and I can't find it.

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what's the only thing funnier than a dead baby nailed to a tree? The look on the mom's face.

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Why did he chicken cross the road? The suicide rate in chickens has gone up 50% in the past year alone.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Who Who who? Hoodini

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What did Johnny get for Christmas? Drugs, Johnny was a convicted drug dealer, age 19.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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