A jewish man walks into a bar has a drink, then walks out of the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How are elephants and plumbs the same? A: They are both purple, except for the elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

When my parents said that they chucked a flipper baby into the Atlantic ocean I assumed a baby seal, I later found out that happened to my disabled brother.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None, there is nothing wrong with the light bulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the hooker cross the road? Because was a prostitute

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock Knock. Who's There? I don't know. I'm paralyzed.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you get when you cross a hamster with a zebra? A genetic abomination that you should put out of it's misery.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what is black white and red all over? A black and white movie with the first violent color leave a comment if this joke is duped.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats luckier than finding a lucky penny? winning the lottery.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the Jewish man get for his birthday? Pork.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

When ducks fly in a V formation do you know why one side is longer than the other? Because there are more ducks on that side.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'who the f*ck let a horse in here, get it out now'.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's the oppicite of brown???? Something not brown.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

why did the girl have pink hair? because she died it purple, but it didn't work.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Roses are red Violets are blue Hop in the van or I will rape you

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do a helicopter and a banana have in common? They are both edible. Except for the helicopter.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? A) The color of their hair.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If life gives you lemonade.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

The man goes to the doctor after just losing his job because his company went under because of the econmic crisis. His house is being foreclosed because without the money from his job he can't afford to pay for his house. His girlfriend also just left him because of recent conflicts about money and she was looking forward to having a family and with him jobless it was just out of the question. Man:"Doctor I could really use some good news" Doctor:"You have aids"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Pickup line: Hey babe, do you know what time it is? Because I don't wanna be late for class and if you told the time, it will surely help me because I'll be able to arrive early at my class not to mention it would greatly improve my punctuality efforts to help me pass the class this semester. Geez, I remember back in middle school there was a guy name Billy Jones and he used to always be late for class. His name was Billy but we called him Bill. Bill was his nickname but his real name was Billy. Anyways, he was always late for class because he would always make the best barbecue ribs in town.... (45 minutes later...) ....and I told Bill, "Man, if you were to just ask what time it was it would greatly help you in arriving to class early." And he was was like "I know but..."And then I cut him off and I said "But nothing. I don't care what kind of barbecue ribs you make, you just can't do that." So there I was, me and him, sitting down and .... (3 hours later...) ...it was awesome. Boy, I remember back in the early 90's when I was at elementary school, it was a stormy weather and we had to go to class. That's when I met Clarissa. She was a really nice girl and I remember there was a time when... (to be continued....)

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q.How do you kill a Zombie? A. You can't Zombies are fictional monsters that do not exist in our reality. instead why not focus on killing other things such as, Terrorists, Ants and People who piss you off

thumb_up thumb_down +5

why doesnt john lipka have a job? because the unemployment rate is high these days.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because if he stayed on the farm, he would have been condemned to a miserable life, subjected to deplorable living conditions and an eventual pain-filled death by the hand of a cruel and heartless farmer. Crossing that road was his only chance of salvation.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What happens when the hydro goes out for 1 second? 1 minute? 1 hour? 1 day? 1 month? 1 year? -1.8 people die. 105 people die. 6,306 people die. 151,338 people die. 4,603,198 people die. 55,238,376 people die. Aw shit, then you have to take account for how many people die of starvation :\, and the ones who froze to death, and the ones who died from heat stroke, And the ones who died of Alzheimers.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops