i know leaves are green because of chlorophyll but i don't know how to get a mortgage this is the kind if shit your parents pay for

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How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way.

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How many athiests does it take to change a light bulb? One.

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What did dyslexic Old McDonald say? . . . I have a learning disability that impairs my fluency and comprehension accuracy in being able to read and spell

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I love results day! for every A* I get 30 pounds! everything else I cut myself.

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Wife: Where were you all night. Husband: Cheating on you with your sister

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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I used to have an ugly,black and disabled man as a friend. However, he had a very nasty personality so we are no longer friends.

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roses are red, violates are blue, you left me for David, I am about to kill you *bam* *bam**bam*

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Why did the chicken cross the road??? Suicide.

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Some of these jokes are funny, others are sad.

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If god gives you lemons keep the lemon go to the store and buy oranges to make orange juice.

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I agree Nero, we agree there, but let me ask you, why did you have the deep desire to create such a society before? You managed to do so as a teen, you wanted to help others, you put them before yourself, you where far more loyal to them, than they ever where to you. What motivated you then to sacrifice so much, where is that strength today?

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Two men walk into a bar. They get drunk and leave. 2 hours later there's a newscast about two drunken men who died in a car accident. It wasn't them, the newscast about them came shortly after

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what did the blind man see? Nothing he felt the penis in his butt.

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why did the bear cross the road? to get cream cheese.

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why couldnt the african child eat enough food? he didnt have a mouth.

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why are anti jokes so funny? cuz u pobably just laughed at this one.

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How many cows does it take to screw in a light bulb? Either one super cow or none because cows don't even have apposable thumbs

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A thief walks into a bank. He has an account there and withdraws 200 bucks.

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Why are pills white? Cause they work.

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So theres a Black guy, White guy and Mexican guy all sitting at a bar. They were friends.

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense? You watch a suspenseful TV program and pause at the right moment.

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Two black guys walk into a bar. They had too much alcoholic substances and got alcohol poisoning. Their families mourned for days and their kids grew u without a father. The end.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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