Two gophers are in a tank One of them says how the heck do you drive this thing?

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Your mama's so stupid she brought syrup to the quidditch world cup because she knew there would be quaffles!

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Roses are red bullets are led if you don't take me back now i'll shoot you in the head!

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Whats bigger than a toaster and smaller than an oven? ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .... .... . ... . . . ..... ...... ..... a microwave . ..... . ... ...

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Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar Was it you? No

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what do you say to a woman on her rags? nothing.try and ignore it.you didn't hear this from me and we never talked.

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Roses are Red Your Face Has Turned Blue This Pillow I have Is Smothering You

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how come the tadpoles dad told him he can't be a nurse? he has 2 b a frog!

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If your canoe is stuck in a tree with no headlights, how many pancakes does it take to get to the moon. False, snakes don't have armpits

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What did Tarzan say when the elephants came over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill!

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once opon a time. never mind i'm just going to beat you kids.

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what did the jew get for christmas? nothing Jewish people don't celebrate christmas

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Let them think that you are insane, vulnerable, and they wont bother leaking a lot of shit about you, this "shit info" will remain inaccurate and reveal weaknesses where there is none. I had to draw them away from you, but as soon as he began selling Intel regarding my missing eye, I figure our "not so friends in the unknown" would have eventually begun searching for "The one eyed man" among you. And had they not found one, they might just as likely made it seem as if there was one for the money. None of the thugs sent to attack me nor the "Nero decoys" where professionals, but those behind them sure are, considering that they paid these thugs more than what I make during a year. Gotta go pretty girl, hope we meet again in not so long. Moral: This is all a joke, get over it, Moral has left forever, mission complete.

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand and says nothing to the man running the stand. Realizing that the duck might potentially keep patrons from approaching the stand, he packs up and moves elsewhere.

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My cake is yummy, It's icing is blue. It will always be mine, Come close and I'll punch you. So stay away from it And you will be safe, But if you dont listen, Prepare ice for your face!

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Two icebears are siiting on a iceberg one says to the other: Are you fine with me pushing you off? the other one responds: Would you marry me?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side XD

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What do you call a duck playing a trombone? Hallucinations

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What did the doctor say to his patient? You have stage IV Ovarian Cancer.

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How do you stop a baby falling down a well? Throw a javelin through its forehead.

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So a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "why the long face?" It proceeds to then crap on the floor and walk out,because its a horse.

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What do you call a black man on the moon An astronaut

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Knock, Knock Who's there? The Johnson Family was then heard on the morning news for letting a murderer into their home before being brutally killed.

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How do you stop a bus from hitting you?? You throw small children to impede the progress of the bus.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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