What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers

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A bear comes across some people on a camping trip. But he then promptly leaves, because bears aren't inherently aggressive unless caring for their young or if they are provoked.

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A baby seal walks into a club. He immediately escorted out because babies are not allowed in clubs.

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In Soviet Russia, there was a population of approx. 293,047,571 people. It was dissolved in 1991, it is now know as Russia or the Russian Federation.

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Have you seen Hellen Keller's dad? Neither did she

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A man died. What was his name? Phil. His name was Phil.

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What is long, hard, and full of seamen A submarine you pervert

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what did joe eat for breakfast? he didn't eat, joe is schizophrenic steve's best friend

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How can you get a handicap black man to walk again? You don't...... Unless you motivate him with fried chicken. Anti-anti-joke!

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Q. What is the answer to life the universe and everything A. 42

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What's worse than getting a bruise? AIDS.

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When life gives you lemons.............. take them free stuff is awesome.

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Why did the baby die? Lack of oxygenated blood to the brain.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Why didn't Joe catch the baseball? He got shot by a local gang.

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whats black, white, and red all over? your mum

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Why did Michael Phelps drown? He didn't because he is the best swimmer in olympic history.

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A jew walks into a bar.... He has a beer and then goes home to his family.

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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What is the difference between a snail and whale? A loaf of bread

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homosexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual pandas just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homosexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? They're both fruit. Except the elephant.

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Why did the gay man sneek out of the brothel? Because he was ashamed of his well paying reception job

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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