How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Why did the man laugh as he sat in the electric chair? He was being tickled by the guard.

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What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a ferrari? You can't find a ferrari in my garage.

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What do people call the completely paralyzed man with no eyes? David, his name.

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What did the fat black man do? Get a gym membership.

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas many gift card to stores he liked

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Why did the boy fail the math test? He has a learning disability.

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Why did the boy fail his maths test? He had no eyes due to a vicious bear attack earlier that year so couldn't read the questions or study from books resulting in him not being able to complete the task he was given.

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In retrospect, I was wrong to microwave all those cats.

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I used to work as a human cannonball. I thought I was going to get fired, however during one performance the trajectory was miscalculated and I ended up severely damaging my spinal cord. I now work from home as a IT consultant. It's depressing.

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How did the man want his hair cut? In silence.

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So a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. They order some wine and have an enjoyable evening.

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What's worse than a papercut? why do you insist on asking me these questions?

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Knock knock: Who's there: Woo: Woo Who: I knew you'd be glad to see me.

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Why was the napkin wet? Some water was on it

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A man went skydiving and tragically died.

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knock knock whos there **gunshot ...man that gun show next door is annoying

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What do you hear when you put your foot on a man's ear? A man saying, "WTF are you doing?!"

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whats worse than 9/11? not much haaaa

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What's black and hangs from trees in my backyard? Nothing. Blackberries grow on bushes and I do not condone hate crimes.

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What do you call a black man who is flying a plane? A pilot.

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Ask me if I'm a tree. "Are you a tree?" No.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead become stranded on a desert island. As they are searching for food and shelter, they come across a mystical-looking lamp. They rub the lamp, but nothing happens because genies don't exist.

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How many straight naked men can you fit in a wardrobe? I'm not sure but the situation is highly unlikely!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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