A girl and her friend got into a fight. They both bled to death.

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What do you call a horny blond on the corner? A prostitute

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Knock Knock Who's there? Eric, your old high school pal! Eric, you slept with my wife 3 years ago. You have her, please stop coming to my door and please stop saying your my pal. Pals don't sleep with other guys' wives.

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2 big black men walked up to me with baseball bats. they politely asked me if i wanted to join their friendly game of baseball

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You know what happens when you assume right? Well, you make an educated guess based on prior knowledge to the circumstance at hand.

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My jeans

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It works on whoever I have an emotional attachment with, for example people might be thinking you and I write in the exact same style, but I am actually copying your way of typing (spelling, word composition etc) this because we relate on a deep emotional level with people that like "get us" because they can act and behave like us. This again doubles the effect of the hypnosis, since when I get "super high on trance" and you feel that way, well, we both reach into the same wavelength, literally. Scientists and hypnotists supposedly have no idea as to why this happens, but I know, it is because our brain patterns are so similar, that even though we are at a long distance, your body believes itself to be an extension of mine and the other way around. How do I know this? Yogurt.

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What did a boy dying from cancer get for Christmas? The news that his cancer progressed and he would soon die. He underwent a surgery that got rid of the cancer and he was cured. He ran out of the hospital in excitement and got hit by a bus. He recovered slowly, but lived. By this time it was June and his birthday, he returned to school later that year. He got called fat and committed suicide.

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Why did the lorry cross the road? It was swerving to avoid a small child. Unfortunately the driver's reactions were too slow and he hit the kid. After a week fighting for their life in hospital the child fibaly died. There wasn't a scratch on the lorry though.

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how do you confuse a blonde? ask if she wants a cake...then rape her

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What did the little boy with diabetes get for Christmas? A shot of insulin; just like every other day.

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What do you call someone who has slept for 48 hours straight? Dead.

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You wanna pop a bottle? I hope you are referring to bottles of water as I am underage and I refuse to partake in any said consumption of alcoholic beverages

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what did the nail say to the hammer? Hit me baby one more time

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What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Whatever her name is.

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Why was the boy dead? The boy was hit by a bus ran over by a train and stabbed to death by a murderer then put into a grinder for a meal for the murderer.

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Why did the man not get home to his loving family? He blew up.

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When is it ok to drink urine? When you're Bear Grills

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A bartender walks into a bar. He serves alcohol for a living.

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How do you scare a little boy? You tell him everyone he loves was shot to death by you and then kick his guardian .

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What did the computer say to his girlfriend? I'm going to RAM you tonight.

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Why did Kallum come to Getaway? Because he ran out of hats

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A man walks into the bar. It was typical day and nothing interesting happened.

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1: I heard a great knock knock joke, but you have to start it. 2: Okay, knock knock! 1: Who's there? 2: ???

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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