Roses are red, violets are blue Vodka is cheaper that dinner for two.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Why did the road cross the chicken? Because Einstein said so. According to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Every 60 seconds in Africa. A minute passes.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread. Why did the car crash? Because the driver was a loaf of bread. Why did the boat sink? Because the pirates attacked.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What did the blind, deaf and mute girl get for christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Me: so Megan did it hurt Megan fox: did what hurt? Me: when ur aged face wasn't good enough for the new transformers movie?

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Two men are waiting for the traffic light to cross the road. One looks at the other and says 'Hello!' The other replies 'Hello!'

thumb_up thumb_down +38

"I love you terribly!" said the girl to her new boyfriend. "For Christ's sakes, Grandma, put your pants back on!"

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What's big, red, and eats rocks? A big, red, rock eater.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why did the baby cross the street? It was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Robin, get into the Batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Want to hear a joke? Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Q: How many babies does it take th paint a barn? A: I dunno, how hard are you throwing them?

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Scott

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q: How do find the population of Mexico? A: You Google it.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the chicken cross the road? A manufacturing defect in the chain link fence released several chickens who are now freely roaming the area.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

your moms so fat she has kankles

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did the lion say the the zebra? Nothing. Lions do not have the ability to speak and therefore could not make conversation with said zebra, hunted it down, killed it, and shared it with his pride of 27.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why does your mom moan and scream at night? She had a rough childhood, filled with all types of despair and disappointment.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A black guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. They were very successful and became the most popular restaurant in town.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you tie your shoes underwater? In a submarine

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Binladen coming to a beach near you :D

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops