How do you stop the London riots? - You employ a a highly effective police tactic to diffuse the crisis as quickly as possible.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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What did the homeless man get for christmas? Nothing, but he did purchase whiskey with the little money he had to drink away his misery, and to suppress his suicidal thoughts that were a result of his alcoholism which stemmed from his father's abusive nature.

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wanna hear a clean joke? bob took a bath with bubbles. wanna hear a dirty joke? bubbles was a man :) i heard this somewhere and it made me laugh :)

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What do you call a Pakistani flying a plane. 9/11

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What did the boy eat for breakfast? Food

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Excuses are like assholes: Gay men like to have sex with them.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't cross it. He was pushed.

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Did you hear what happened to the blonde ice hockey team? They drowned in spring training.

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What is a ghost's favorite appetizer? Ghosts aren't real.

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Black, I dont know if you are kidding around or something, but I cant reach you on the phone pal, I am really sorry about the Valium, it was like only 10 milligrams pal, I mean please man, it was a joke, and Ill break up with Line anyways, I mean Alex and Petter are sorry too okay? Just take the phone, ill be there soon, I mean come on, you are the most cruel person I know, lets talk about it

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What is the proper response when someone says "My family died in a car crash"? Lol fail

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What do you call an Englishman, an Irishman and a Chineseman playing football? 3 friends playing their favourite sport.

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Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles there balls

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Nothing, you should call a local animal rescue number and care to its needs.

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Why did h little boy drop his ice cream? Jerry Sandusky was behind him.

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You're so vein you are probably a tube that conveys blood from various parts of the body to the heart.

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Poop

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People are a lot like slinkies. Not really good for anything, but still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

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Why was a white man surrounded by black men crying? He was in a support group for black men with vitiligo, which destroys skin pigments.

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What did Wonder Woman say to Superman? I'm wonder woman.

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What time is it? If I hadn't poked your eyes out, you might know.

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What did Bambi say to her mother when her mother was killed? Nothing. Bambi's a deer. Duh.

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ohai. whutz en ahntei johk? sownz soopihd.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops