What did the student say to the teacher, after being assigned homework? This isn't my best subject, can I stay after class for tutoring?

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. You're adopted.

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At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

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What is so sad about 5 black people going over a cliff in a Ferrari? That was my Ferrari by darragh hamilton

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Doctor Doctor, I keep getting horrible boils all over my face! Okay then. Take off your underwear and we'll see what's going on.

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In particle-joke physics, the antijoke is the extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the joke, where the antijoke is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the normal joke is composed of particles. Furthermore, mixing jokes and antijokes can lead to the annihilation of both, in the same way that mixing antiparticles and particles does.The result of antijoke meeting jokes is an explosion.[1]

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what happened to the black man that fell of the bridge? he drowned due to the fact the african-americans do not swim very well.

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Q:what is the most annoying word that means nothing? A:every word has a meaning your question is invalid. ~Phish <3

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What's the hardest part of rollerblading? Telling your dad you're gay.

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A man has a meeting with his doctor and his doctor says "I have some bad news, you have cancer and you have alzheimer's," to which the man replies... "Well at least I don't have cancer." This is an example of a fallacy claim.

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I once met with Mahatma Gandhi and he said to me "Child, why do I walk this earth?.. What is the meaning of my living?.. Why am I alive?" and I bowed in respect of his wisdom and said "I don't know. Why do you?" and he said "I don't I'm dead."

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how many babies does it take o paint a house depends on how hard you throw them

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What do u call Lindsay Lohan fall from grace? Probably likely tragic and is also a very useful metaphor for The USA's projected path for global and economic superiority.

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why was the water bottle empty? because bob drank it. stupid bob...

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Why don't meth addicts like food? Because they have not teeth to chew it with.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?" the horse then says nothing because horses cannot talk, only humans can talk.

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How come Helen Keller couldn't drive? Because cars were not invented back then.

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top kek

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Jordan is pregant

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Why did the chair fall off the cliff? Well it is an inamitate object so it did not move itself, someone must have threw it

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Q. What's white, has an orange bill, and looks like a swan? A. a swan

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Golf.

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What is the key to a good anti-joke? A disappointing or intellectual punch-line said in a calm and passive tone.

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a murderer sees a young child left alone at a park... he promptly finds the childs mother and returns her to her home.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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