A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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There is no "I" in "TEAM" However, there is a "T" an "E" an "A" and an "M"

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Q: Why did the girl fell from the swing? A: Because she had no arms.

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A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

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What happens when you shoot someone? They die.

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Q. Why did the fence break? A. Too many mexicans were climbing it.

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If Jimmy in New York has 2 apples, and Tommy in Denver has 4 apples, what is the mass of the sun? 1.989E30 kg.

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roses are red, hills are green. i know you're ugly and i know I'm so mean.

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Why did tigger look in the toilet? Because he is being treated in a mental institution and eats his own fecal matter.

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David Copperfield (the magician you moron). "I will now perform my greatest act yet!" Everyone applauded as he put the screaming woman (for effects you know) into the first end of the meatgrinder, and surprisingly grinded meat came out the other side! And the woman? She disappeared... forever! *applause* Moral: BRAVO! BRAVO!

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Why are Anti-jokes funny? Coz they are not.

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Q: What causes earthquakes? A: Your mother walking.

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Ask me if I'm an orange? Are you an orange? No.

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Why did the welshman cross the road? To violently hump sheep.

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I used to be into necrophilia, bestiality, and sado-masochism; but then I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

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If you have a dinosaur, how many bicycles do you need to do your homework? Yes, because chewing gums would ask if Greg can go to the handball match.

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Still Carrying Heavy Pet Food? That sucks

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Q: Why did you get raped last week? A: Because at night you touch yourself to pictures of rapists.

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What did one cake say to the other? You wanna piece of me?!?

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This is the funniest joke in the world: Just joking!

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Knock Knock No solicitors

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What do you call a black man playing a bass guitar? A bassist.

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how many black people can you fit in a car? However many sets there are.

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What is worse then your car getting hijacked? A 900 pound man eating a Donut.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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